You are too funny! It's a good think you aren't here in California because you and I could probably cook up some great (but legal!) OW revenge plots together. Yikes!!!!
Girl, You really have hit the nail on the head about some of the feelings I've struggled with as well. I too was bothered most about the idea that she was "chosen" over me, and the lengths my husband went to in order to be with her... which to me indicates enormous depth, emotion, passion... more so than with me. It's not a great feeling and unfortunately I still struggle with this even though I know that through time she seems to be fading into the background.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
