Does anyone have a happy story about reuniting

[JMC]

Thanks for the news Me, and congrats on your reconcilliation! I have a couple questions though if you could answer, but I understand if you would not want to do so.

Who walked away in your case? Was there an OP?

What was the impetus for the reconciliation?

Do you plan to remarry?

[Just_Me]

Who walked away in your case? Was there an OP?

She did. Yes, kind of....although not physically

What was the impetus for the reconciliation?

The end of the other relationship and she felt she hadn't given us a fair chance.

Do you plan to remarry?

Already did and on the anniversary of our old marriage.

Hopefully you realize by now that it is really up to your spouse if you will ever have another shot. I fortunately did get one and it has been great. I'm very grateful to be with her again. Yes, you can lay the foundation for potential reconciliation, but nothing is going to happen in that regard unless she's willing to consider trying again for her own reasons.

We were able to keep a good post-separation and post-D relationship because she was willing to do so, for her own reasons. Hopefully that played a role in her considering trying again with me.

It wasn't always easy and I think it would have been really hard if there was someone she was physically involved with. But, we've smoothed out all the bumps in the past year and a half+. It is a lot more fulfilling this time around because I feel a level of commitment, on both sides, that maybe wasn't quite there before and also because she worked to make it this way. She did a lot of self-work and it really shows.

Me

[JMC]

Thanks for the response and congrats to you!

In my case, my WAW is the OW in a relationship with some guy who has a serious girlfriend, has an EA with a married man in another state, and has sent nude photos of herself to a guy she had sex with while on a 'girls' weekend.

She recently found out I know all this and she justifies it all and does not believe she is suffering from anything. As such, I plan to move on myself.

Best of luck to you ME, I am happy for your 'new' marriage!

[Just_Me]

Thank you.

I would have a very hard time trying again if my wife did the kind of thing yours did. It might be possible to forgive, but I worry about the forgetting. I read about someone that reconciled with his wife, but couldn't help remembering how she had told him (while separated) that she wished he had died in the WTC disaster. He wrote that it comes to mind and a little bit of his love for her dies. I think all those issues with your wife would do the same.

Take care

Me

[JMC]

Thanks Me - I have come to the conclusion that the forgetting would be too much as well. She is a great woman making great mistakes and obviously suffering from something - MLC, depression - who knows. I can't help but think she will regret one day, but again, who knows. I have to move on, it is just hard to believe that my family has been broken and that I have lost my best friend whom I was accustomed to communicating with several times a day from work.

The WTC comment is just plain cruel!

Again, best of luck to you!

[notaclue]

I struggle with the notion of am I really grieving over losing my W, or the vision of a happy family. I am losing respect for my W for what she is doing to our family, but still hold on to the hope of reconcilation because I desparately want the family to be together and happy again. I often wonder if I did not have kids and could easily start a family from scratch with someone else, would it not be as difficult because I'm not really in love with who my W is now. I might be in love with who my wife used to be, the person who respected me, was fun, and loved me and the children with all her heart. Perhaps I need to get on board with the reality that she doesn't exist anymore and can't be recovered. I'm holding on the the vision of a happy family with her in it and it might not be obtainable. It's very difficult. As in your case, I considered her my best friend and companion and I miss that part very much.

[JMC]

I am losing respect for my W for what she is doing to our family

- This is exactly where I am as well.

I might be in love with who my wife used to be, the person who respected me, was fun, and loved me and the children with all her heart.

Again, I agree. I have sincere doubts that the person who I loved will never exist again. As our daughter is now out of college, I do not have a decision that will affect young children like you do. My guess is that I would hold out longer if that were the case. As it is I have been holding out for roughly 10 months now since the bomb was dropped and 7+ months since she moved out.

Good luck Notaclue. I am sorry we all have to be here.

[Chevelle]

I can relate to that notaclue. I feel sometimes too, because of my lack of dating before I met my W, that I hold on to the notion that I love her still because she is familiar, is the mother of my two kids, and has been in most of my adult life.

The idea that I have to do this again sucks, beacuse now I have to understand that I am going to blend families, meet someone who will have a whole other set of issues to deal with...yada yada..

I sorry for being pessimistic...just can't see the light at the other end yet...working on that slowly.

[JMC]

The idea that I have to do this again sucks, beacuse now I have to understand that I am going to blend families, meet someone who will have a whole other set of issues to deal with...yada yada..

The comment regarding the other set of issues is so true. I can not help but think that our WAW's will find that out as well - meaning that it is not always greener. I totally understand a WAW who would leave due to abuse, addiction, infidelity, etc.., but I think they will find out that everyone has issues. Oh well, not much I can do at this point.

[alamogirl]

You all are so right on. At my last attempt to win back my ex, I wrote him a letter, and broght to light the issues he was going to have with future women. I told him that chances were greater that he would end up with someone with kids and an ex-husband. I tried to make him understand that, and for a moment, he said that he would give it some thought.

Our marriage was salvageable...neglected, but it could have been saved. At least, at the time, we were still best friends. We had the makings for a good solid marriage. In the end, he opted out. I may be wrong for wishing this, but I hope he ends up with a woman with horrible kids and a wicked ex-husband. I want him to go through what I went through.

When we first married, he had a wicked ex-wife and an unstable son, who later turned horrible. I went through a lot with his ex and his kid. But none of it mattered to him in the end. If your spouses are determined to divorce you, that's exactly what they are going to do. There is no stopping them, no matter how many DB techniques you apply.

I wish people who applied these techniques and saved their marriage would post here. I've read success stories on this forum, but where are the posters? Why don't they post here often? The best thing that came out of my DB techniques was that I was able to get on with life. The book gave me hope while I was in limbo, but I'm wondering if these techniques work at all.

My best to all of you.
alamogirl