Thanks Bryan for your advice. I am trying. I just hit another brick wall and failed again. I know I am only 6 weeks into this but wow I just suck at it.

My husbands mistress just called me to let me know he spent the night with her last night. (They supposedly broke up on Monday). I think she is toying with me just to hurt me. He however would protect her to death even though its over according to her. He told me this morning when we talked that he slept in his car.

Instead of just taking her jabs I then called him (BIG MISTAKE) and asked him why he lied and he went off about me checking up on him and it spiraled from there.

I got myself together came back to my desk to pay the phone bill and found he has locked me out of the account. I called him crying about that (BIG MISTAKE)

I am hopeless. I need to get a plan and get goals and let go but I am finding it so darn hard to do so. I am finding it so hard to let go of the man I love and gave my life to. I really need help. My biggest problem is that my family hates him and they are not supportive and 1400 miles away anyway.

I really have no one here except him, his family, his friends, and etc. I do have my church but no one I am extremely close with. I feel like I am an island out in the middle of the ocean with nothing but water surrounding me, sucking me in, and drowning me.

I need to snap out of my pity party but I am so alone it makes it hard.

M 32 H 39
SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4
E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06
On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again.
On 08/11/07 Walked out again.

People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"