Am I piecing yet #2

[Have Faith]

Lwb thank you for the welcome back. We had such a wonderful time and it seems to be carrying forward.

I can't remember, is he still in contact with OW?

Yes, but I think it is very minimal. Mostly e-mail and then of course he sees her at the gym. Since we have been back, on Monday, he called me twice (which I did not answer)at just about the time he would normally (b/4 OW) have been leaving the gym. On Tuesday, he called from our garage asking if he could come in. On Wednesday we met right after work and played 9 holes of golf. So, he can't be having much contact with her.

maybe you could suggest the Retrovaille (sp?) weekend to him

Unfortunately, there are none close to home. We would have to fly and while I wouldn't mind that for one or two times, the follow up visits would make it difficult. I keep praying to God to bring something here locally that would be beneficial for us. He knows that if we are to get back together, this is one of my requirements and he has agreed.

Thanks for checking in on me.

Faith

[Have Faith]

Chicki - It appears to be good news. I try not to get too excited over these things anymore, as I have been disappointed many times before.

He has read "Surviving an Affair" and so he knows what has to be done to win my trust back. Just the fact that he has read that book and was actually reading parts of it on our vacation is really a positive. It has taken him since last March to get through the whole book. I never thought he would read one page when I gave it to him, but he did.

This board is so wonderful and I thank people like you who give us all support and are joyous for us. Thank you.

Faith

[Have Faith]

Journaling

H wrote back to me answering my concerns with reasonable comments and told me how he would handle OW situations in the future. Words sound good, but can he really do it.

My imaginary bf has been great. H appears to be jealous. Makes comments about him and how many times I see him. I don't tell him I'm seeing him, he just assumes whenever he can't get in touch with me in the evenings that I'm out with him.

H seems to be finding excuses to be at the house and then wants to spend the night. This happened both Tuesday night and last night. Tuesday night he calls at 7:30 from the garage asking me if he can come in. I'm eating dinner and fix him something to eat. He then gets on the computer to do some work and tells me that he has to go to his real estate office to drop off a check. He leaves around 9:15. At 9:45 he calls me back and says that he is tired and asks me if he could spend the night so that he doesn't have to drive to his place (only another 10 min away). I give in and say yes.

Wednesday we meet after work and golf. We get home about 8:00 and I fix a quick dinner. I get ready for bed and fall asleep on the sofa reading. He wakes me up at 10:15 to come to bed. I say, oh I guess you are spending the night. He says, well yes, I hope that is ok. I let him spend the night again.

This morning when he leaves the house he gives me a BIG long hug and says something. I didn't hear what he said. He then says I said ILY. I say, oh I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. ILY too. He also says, I'll send you an e-mail today. Not sure what that is all about. He does think that I'm taking off early today to go with BF to a PGA open being played here beginning today. I'm not, but I'm not going to let him know that.

He has not asked me out for either Friday or Saturday night. We do have a golf date on Sunday. I think I need to be busy Saturday night even if it is dinner and a movie by myself.

OW birthday is this month. Not sure when, but I have reason to believe that it is sometime b/t now and the end of the month.

I have not received the e-mail yet, but he did just call me for no particular reason. I think he was checking to see if I was in the office or not.

Faith

[Have Faith]

Follow up - tried to call my office phone at lunch time and since I didn't answer, he called my cell, which I didn't answer either. He left a message saying, oh you must have gone out to lunch, I'm standing outside your building. Talk to you later.

I have not called him back and I think I'm just going to leave and work from home the rest of the day. I won't call him back until later. I want him to think that I went to the Open.

Faith

[tryingtoholdon]

I am just curious do you think HIM thinking you have a boyfriend is a good thing? It very well could backfire and make him be okay with even more physical contact with OW. Kind of like he may think it is okay because you are commiting adultery to he thinks.

Also just curious did he try anything physical when you two were together all week? I know I have heard when there is a physical affair the sex is one of the first things that stop. Maybe if that starts changing around it could be a positive sign.

It does sound like your husband loves you but is just torn right now. But more and more it sounds like he is coming closer to commiting.

[Have Faith]

Trying

I know where you are coming from as it relates to the bf. I have told him that we are just friends going places together. I have told him that it is not physical. He believes me, as he knows that isn't how I operate. He has said, at least I don't have to work about you having sex with him, as I know you wouldn't do that.

At this point, he seems to be pulling closer and closer to me. Since bf came into the picture, I have been hearing ILY. Didn't hear that b/4 bf. I don't think he sees it as permission to be with OW. He knows that I'm willing to take him back and work on the marriage the minute OW is out of the picture. At this point he only sees it as competition for my time and the possibility of lossing me.

No, no sex yet. However he is very physical. Holds me and touches me more then he ever has. Crazy as I may be, I still don't think that this is a PA. Up until I stopped snooping (a couple of months ago) all e-mails would indicate that it hadn't been. Also, in the past, he thought as long as you were not having sex, then it wasn't cheating. He could rationalize his relationship that way and not feel guilty about it. This is not the first time I have caught him doing something like this. Only the other time, (10 years ago) he hadn't stepped over the line this far. I chose to sweep it under the rug, thinking it wouldn't happen again. Shame on me.

Maybe because of where we are in a possible reconciliation, the bf seems to be working and not backfiring. Had I done it 3 months ago, I think it might have backfired then.

But I see where you are coming from and I do have to be careful. Thanks for your post

Faith

[Have Faith]

Just got an e-mail from H. He tells me that he called me at lunch, but I must have been busy. He tells me that he is coming over on Saturday morning to do some things around the house and to hang out and wants to go out Saturday night. He also says he wants to talk about a few things and get my input and ideas on something. Hum, wonder what that could be.

I will respond to e-mail later this evening. Will also respond to vm left on my cell when I know he would be at the gym.

Faith

[LL44]

Wonder what he wants to talk about??? Things seem to be going very well. If my H picked up a relationship book, I would pass out.

[Have Faith]

Lwb - I never though he would read the book. It was only when he moved out that he started reading it. I had to get a second copy so that I could re-read it as I couldn't remember everything in it and wanted to be able to discuss anything that might come up in conversation about it.

Journaling:

Yesterday proved to be interesting. I worked from home in the afternoon and then went to a gym that I knew he would never go to.

I returned his call at 6:00 when I was leaving the gym apologizing for missing his at lunch time saying I was out of the office for the afternoon. When I got home he had left me a vm message on our home phone saying he might stop by that evening to do some paperwork.

He shows up at 7:00 still dressed in his slacks and shirt and not workout clothes. I ask him if he worked out and he said yes. I said well you didn't need to change back into your slacks for me. He said he didn't want to look like a bum. I'm thinking WHAT? I don't think he worked out, but I let it go.

I made him a quick dinner and he goes to work on the computer. Finally about 9:00 he says I'm going to be done in a few minutes and then I can sit down and relax with you. Next thing I know he has changed out of his slacks and put on sweats. I said it looks like you are planning on spending the night. He says, don't you want me too. I tell him that I love having him spend the night, but we had agreed that he should move out and why (OW). I never said her name, I just eluded to our convesation. He said I know and that is what we have to talk about. We both agreed that it could wait for the week-end as we were both too tired to get into that conversation then.

This morning he was not in a very good mood when he left and I could feel his distance. He also took a clean pair of jeans with him. I didn't notice until after he left. OW's B-day is sometime b/t now and end of month. Makes me think they are going out tonight, as he has only mentioned coming over Saturday morning. He knows that I golf this afternoon and won't be home until around 7:00.

I guess I will just have to wait and see. He has spent the night with me every night since we returned from vacation except Monday when he called me twice and e-mailed me telling me he loved me. I can only hope and pray that I will finally hear those word that I so want to hear. "I have told OW that I'm going back to my wife." Will that day every come.

Faith

[LL44]

OW's birthday here is Sunday, a day before mine. Lovely.

He didn't want to look like a bum for you?? Hmmmmmmm.......

"Will that day every come." I sure hope so.