Why do I feel responding to your post is going to set me back years of hard work. LOL Just taking a deap breath before I explain myself better. Here goes.......
I think what gf sees is X's trying to keep emotional strings attached and sometime it works because she baits me with my Ds. I admit, sometimes I take the bait. Gf has become a good barometer on what I am doing and keeping me straight.
Discussions about the girls never have happened, the X simply does whatever she wants with my Ds. I have simply documented everything she has done and will speak to my L about her many violations of our custody order. After this last spat, I have come the conlusion that whatever X does to me will roll off my back and I will use my L to communicate my wishes. This of course will not be a long term action, I hope soon X will abide by the custody agreement. Regardless, her actions as far as the kids go will never upset me because I know she either is playing power trips or doesn't know any better.
The discussions about raising the girls is very important because of the choices X has made without me and has put our Ds in some pickles in the past. Some include hiring a sitter without knowing her last name, her address or home address. All she had was a first name and mobile number. The other sitter didn't speak English, at all. She leaves a 4 and 6 year old home for an hour while she goes jogging or a few doors over to have drinks. Do you get the picture? Not a very smart person, but in her eyes she is making the right choices. Understand why I want to keep a close eye on my girls?
I am keeping a healthy R with gf but it seems that I have peeled a layer that I was going to have to peel one day. I didn't think that it would be so weird, but I have to proceed. I am respecting gf and moving past issues with X. It is my first R that is very safe for me, no rushing to the alter, not "where do we stand?" type woman.
I have been thinking about my boundaries and forming what is a parent zone and what is not. I just have to enforce my boundaries now.
I feel that X contacts me more now than when we were M, she has told me and my parents that she gets mad if I don't return emails or phone calls right away. She has that entire "I love you/ I hate you" game down pat. Just want to shed a little light on how she opperates.
Just Me, you have made some good points that I had to ponder. Like why I was curious that she calls on a regular basis but won't meet with me over coffee? Something I just don't understand but now I know that...........I don't have to understand, it is what it is. I also am going to take that part of me focusing on my X lately and put it back into my R with gf. She deserves that and I do not want her to feel that she is second in my heart.
Well, that was supposed to be a quick re-post but I get long winded. Oh well, what are ya going to do?
Thanks,
Berto
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
