I did the db thing and didn't get into any R talks. Learned it the hard way though. And have avoided that talk also. I know up until recently it would have gone badly.
We did counseling early on. It was a terrible fiasco. The C was going through a D. She was very 60's style feminist movement. She manipulated the hell out of me and planted some really nasty thoughts in my w's mind. She really damaged us. My W never said she wanted a D but this C would try to interject it into the session. She would negotiate like "Well W how long do you think we should give this to work this out. H how long do you think. Ok well then lets compromise, if you guys can't get this worked out in 6 months you should D."
So with the prior experience of C it might be a hindrance to getting back in to another one. My W now (finally) jokes about C's being manipulative and not actually good at their job.
No there are no physical limitations. We're both in good physical shape. Exercise might really help though. With getting sick and having an odd series of injuries I haven't been able to jog. Her big realization recently is that there is no reason she can't do a marathon. Since it's been depression on her end I think some exercise for both of us would at least be helpful (the horizontal kind would be best)
No living a celibate life is not acceptable. I don't think for either of us.
I think part of it now is she feels a bit guilty for her actions. Having been on this board for awhile I feel pretty lucky that her actions were what they were. Could have been much worse.
Actually I take back the physical limitations thing. My foot is pretty injured right now from my fall. Of course I wouldn't consider this a hindrance but her motherly caring side would. So I better get this thing healed :-).
Her big realization that she hasn't been an active part of life was only a week and a half ago. I'm curious as to where that realization goes.
This is the question I always ask. Is this a stalemate or very slow growth? It would really appear to be a stalemate but as the DB book says you have to look for the small changes to know you are moving forward. There have definitely been a whole lot of very small changes. I can definitely say my W is a very different person than she was before (me too).
It is very difficult. I want this to be finished. It seems like it should be. But we're not there yet.
I most definitely do need to get out and GAL a little. I know that would be helpful. But every time I do she decides she wants to go with me. That's good and bad.
Tonight is another mixer so we'll see how that goes.
