Okay. If you don't want to take responsibility for your actions I am wasting my time typing my concerns to you. If you only want people to pat you on the back no matter what you do, tell me not to post to you anymore -- and I seriously mean that. I only posted what I did to help you. In my last post regarding my concern with your communication with H, you basically dismissed it. This post has pretty much gotten the same treatment. Do you think I was wrong to post what I did? Was I just off the mark?
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And I have read some of your old posts you have your days aslo.
Why are you pointing fingers, chicki? Is this what you think I'm doing? This isn't about me, it's about you, and avoiding your own sitch by redirecting the focus at others whenever they say something you don't like isn't going to benefit you. It's like you want validation and justification for everything you do instead of true, caring advice when it seems you're making a DBing mistake. Case in point: I tell you that calling your H's GF his "W" to him isn't DBing and is unhealthy interaction, and you respond with this:
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GD,
In Gods eyes and in the Bible it states H is living as man and wife. I am only stating the hard truth.
Chicki, that is a copout and you know it. Are you telling me that it is perfectly acceptable DBing (and mature communication with H) to call H's GF his "W" to him? Okay, thinking it and venting it here is one thing, but acting it out with H is quite another. It is anger and hurt that you are feeling which causes you to say this, so don't try to tell me (or yourself) that "OW doesn't bother me or come in mind." You wouldn't say these things to H if that was true, would you? You made the situation about OW, not him. You've not healthily and constructively dealt with this issue yet, and that is why you're still hitting H below the belt with such comments.
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I am really enjoying this singleness and so much that the last time H truly wanted to return *I* told him not too that it was too soon.
Your decision to not have H return was only because you were enjoying being single? I don't understand this. Shouldn't it be based on whether or not both of you are healthy within yourselves and willing/able to work on your M with the necessary changes made? It should have nothing to do with enjoying the "single" life. Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but that is what it seems like you're saying. I'm glad you told him it was too soon because I completely agree with you. However, it sounds like your reasoning for it is unjustified.
Also chicki, regarding the comment about reading my old threads, once I found DBing I immediately made changes in me and the way I communicated with W. I was a jerk many a time prior to DBing (and during my M), but I have NOT ONCE reverted back to my old ways, yelling at her, delivering low blows, landing guilt trips, etc since finding DBing. I have vented here about things I wasn't happy with, but made the necessary changes in how I related to W. Even when she yelled at me, cursed at me, brought OM to the house or an event, etc, I didn't stoop down to her level. You must be honest with yourself and admit when you've slipped -- you cannot work on yourself and get better until you're willing to acknowledge your mistakes. Trying to justify your actions by redirecting focus on others and what they did isn't allowing yourself to do the needed work in your own life.
I've only tried to help you, because I think that is the responsibility of all of us when we see our fellow DBers make mistakes or miss certain points. I feel like many times people give support for anything just to not make waves or ruin newly made friendships. However, I would never condone the poor actions of a friend and support such actions. Even if it meant that they got mad at me, I would still do it. Doing the right thing, esp with friends and people you care about, is HARD -- but it is NECESSARY if you want them to better themselves. This is all I've done for you, chicki. But again, tell me now if you don't want my opinions and advice anymore. If you think my concerns have been invalid and have not been helpful, I will not post them anymore.
(I'm starting to feel like OT, but I'm still not that sandpapery.)
