There and Back, #6

[SallyM]

thanks, donna. nope, not going to give any of the books I have to H. I have several, including some really good parenting/dealing with kids and divorce ones. he knows I have them and that they are available to him. if he wants them, he will need to ask, or even just go get them out of my room. or hell, the man knows where barnes and noble is, go find some for himself.

same with his mom. she needs to step back, too, and be there for him, but let him deal with things on his own. she has spent a good part of her life trying to make up for things she couldn't give him...she and her mother made things so easy for him in so many ways, tried to fix things. he needs to do this on his own. if he is never left alone to fix things on his own, how will he ever be able to? interesting that you say we as parents are there to fix things. I think its instict to, but I think in the long run, its detrimental to our kids. I think yes, we do to a certain extent, but they need to learn to fix things on their own. its something I struggle with, but know I'm going to be a better parent, and my kids will be better off, if I learn now to let them make their own mistakes/learn from them. H never learned to do this, so now as an adult, he doesn't know how.

if he wants help, he knows he can find it, he knows he only has to ask and I'll be happy to lend him a book, or help him find a therapist. but he has to be the one to ask...I won't lead him to it, or have his mom lead him to it.

in fact, I talked to my MIL this morning. I didn't go into details things, she just noticed he seemed sad, and we talked a bit about how we both have to step back and let him be.

I hope he will get help...I hope he will be okay, but there is nothing more I can do at this point. and wow, what a challenge that is, to step back. but I'm doing it...and so is she.