Growing up is hard to do

[peaceful_spirit]

mrs,
I guess many of us are abused wives to some degree. It sucks, doesn't it?

I am feeling so sad. I am having a battle with myself. I know that h is not going to change his ways overnight. I know that when he's nice and sending flowers and wants me, it only lasts so long before he decides he needs more.

Some other things the C said that I forgot to mention... I gave her the letter I gave H. As she was reading it, she said "it's a good letter... it's a good letter". Then she handed it back to me and said again, "this is a good letter".

She said once again that she doesn't see him as bi-polar. Then I asked about depression. She said that it could be depression, that the depression isn't what's causing him to do the things he does. He does the things he does becuase of how he was raised... never having to deal with consequences.

I had told her in the last session that when H and BIL were young, BIL moved out to live with his dad for the summer becuase he didn't want to live by his mother's rules. His mother told him that if he goes, it won't jsut be for the summer, he'll have to stay (meaning, he can't just go have fun for the summer then come home). So, BIL left at 13 to live with his dad and never came back. MIL to this day regrets it. So, she basically ended up living in fear that H would do the same thing. So, I think she let him get away with murder. C said that that piece of information was one of themost important things that I've told her and that it was very enlightening.

Anyway, she said there could be depression involved, but it's not like giving him meds would simply fix the problem. She said that she wants to poke him where it hurts. She said that it's difficult, but when she said that I'd be snatched up in a minute, she could see that he went, ouch. So, the meds keep all his feelings burried.

It makes sense, right? What are we all saying here. That it takes facing the pain and hitting bottom to truely want to make change.

Anyway, I'm struggling. I miss H so much and I want to jsut be with him, especially with him sending me flowers and texting me and stuff. But I have to remind myself that he is in no condition to be in an R with me or anyone else.

I am sad.