Have you thought much about where your rage comes from and possibly what the real emotion behind it might be?
Yes, I have some thoughts. My rage stems primarily from being taken advantage of by many people over the years and from physical/emotional abuse from my parents. The rage is amplified by the knowledge that is it my fault people took advantage of me, i.e. I let them do it. Granted, a lot of that is "Nice Guy" syndrome, making covert contracts and all. And I'm pissed at myself for that too. The real emotion is probably fear. I am afraid that I will always be stuck in my current mode.
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I told her that you how you would rage (inwardly compared with him but still rage) when your kids cried with colic. One guess I have is that it is the feeling of NOT being able to do something that creates this feeling of rage in men?? So the feeling of helplessness becomes rage?? Total guess!!
That is spot on. My children were "hurting" and I couldn't do anything about it. A friend of mine once told me right before my first children were born that something changes inside you when they are born. He said that for him it was that before his kids were born, he would have thought twice about actually killing someone ... afterwards, there was no hesitation in his mind. I think many men, including myself, have this internal dialogue that says "I will sacrifice everything for my children to keep them from harm", and yet we are presented with situations like a crying child that we can't solve by brute strength. It definitely leads to rage.
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Also, as far as sharing your feelings with your wife, how do you do this – when, what do you say, etc.? The two of you need to develop a way of sharing feelings that feels safe for both of you. The idea of trust is key and I think a lot of it can start with you. Once you feel like you trust yourself to be able to get through all of this, then she can feel more comfortable hearing your problems because she can sense you trust in yourself? Does that make sense?
It makes a lot of sense. I know I am very bad at sharing my feelings. When the convo starts, the emotions inside me trump my prepared statements and I end up going off on tangents. I'm sure our talks confuse her more than anything else. And you are right I don't have a lot of self-trust, which must be disconcerting to her. How do I gain self-trust in the midst of constantly fecking up?
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What I remember from Chrome is that his wife is actually extra sensitive to his moods because of some past issues they had. She didn't even like hearing that he was going to individual counseling for himself.
Yes that is still true.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
