[/quote]Exh is acting wonderful. I feel like we are getting closer and closer. I really struggle internally....by his actions and with me not snooping things between us would be great.[quote]
SO2,
The answer to this question lies inside of you.
By his actions (ie: contact with OW and lieing to you) he has proven himself untrustworthy at this time. And the only way you feel you can handle the sitch is to snoop to make sure he is not cake- eating. I did this. But, I also used the info calmly and very directly to set boundries with H by letting him know that he had to work on the issues, that i would only tolerate so much before I walked out the door.( he said from the start nothing was going on.) I used the info to take away the fantasy secret of OW and to get H to work on himself. I don't look to often for things now, only special occasions ( b-days and holidays). Just to see where he is at on his journey. and i think sometimes might check out the cooler at christmas and if I find nothing im'e done looking. (that is the timeline i set origionally for me to let go).
You see when I found out something I didn't let the info kick me in the gut(to much)but used it to bring him farther in his journey.
To snoop or not to snoop depends on what you can handle and how you will use it in my OP. I know it's against DB rules but i think it can work in some sitches and, i see that it has worked before. It has so far in mine. Lets him know he's not getting away with as much as he thinks.
I am not a religious person per-say but I do believe in God and do pray to myself everyday. Maybe someone at church might be able to help you if you confide in them.
Im'e glad XH is acting loving toward you but, i urge you to make sure he's not cake-eating.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
