The thing is, he doesn't really want her to be a whore even in his bedroom if he's sexually uncomfortable. He still wants her to want sex less than he. He needs to be one-up, sexually, so to speak. So the message a girl gets is "be a chaste virgin. After we marry, be sexually receptive (to me and only me) like a finely-tuned instrument, but don't ever let me feel you like sex for its own sake".
And that is I think really confusing. And asking the impossible, really. You can't be sexually receptive without being sexual. So what does the woman do? Shrug her shoulders and turn LD.
One thing Schnarch said in his book really struck me: most people will want sex if it's worth having. And I think, being an Instrument is, à la longue, not worth it for most women, at least not once the chemical infatuation wears off.
Excellent. I couldn't have put it better myself. If a guy like young Cobra and I were dating, it would never be the case that he would think that I was a "slut" because I signaled something like that on our date. I dress sexy sometimes and I'll talk abstract sexuality with just about anyone but I have a certain physical reserve and the vocabulary of a librarian and I smile a lot. So any guy who was following the "rules" would be compelled to follow them until I signaled differently. OTOH, as BF indicated, a lot of men don't follow the rules- lol However, the kind of scenario that I might imagine if you think of a really young Cobra and me is that when I became sexual with him the issue wouldn't really be my experience but rather my openness or wide band width. The young Cobra would find that he could do stuff with me that he couldn't do with other girls and his reaction quite possibly would be to in a sense blame me for his own discomfort with some aspects of his sexuality. My wide sexual bandwidth doesn't really have that much to do with my sexual experience. I was receptive to sexual experiences to which other girls might not be open as soon as I became at all sexual.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
