Soon after I posted this earlier, I felt a little silly about this paragraph.........
Quote:
If it's really not what he wanted and I am over here saying this isn't what I wanted, why would he nervously jump into half-@$$ agreeing to D? I think he could've been scared I might ask well why are we then. If he really didn't want to D, wouldn't he just say well why are we then? Ego, I suppose, but it would be nice if he could just be honest so I don't second guess myself here. I would have so much more respect for him and see him as a better guy than the way he's going about it. I get the impression he wants to do this but is simply irritated it's not all on his terms, and isn't comfortable having any of the responsibility fall on his shoulders. I may just share this with him, in hopes he might see that if we are honest with each other we can proceed knowing this is the right thing to do. Any opinions out there on that?
Uhhh, yeah, lol. Well, I'm glad he didn't ask "why are we then?" cuz that would mean he really hasn't paid attention. And if I were to ask that, well that'd be even worse. All I can do is hope he saw what this was all pointing to.... the fact that I have been patient, forgiving, and open-minded, and he hasn't taken enough action to save our M or to prevent D. I guess it just would've felt nice to have him acknowledge it during that convo. I guess I'm not wanting to take the blame for this either.... yes, this is just as obvious to ME. Sigh.
J, sometimes we say things during conversation in order to appease our own self conscious and get an answer that we want to have. Thing is either you ask your question straight out or you don't ask at all. Your right, you don't want to take responsibility for it either. The guilt involved in having to be the one to end it sucks. That is a tough position to be in, you hang on for so long and trying not to be the one who walks away, and in the end you have to do it.
Screw cliff notes/cheat sheets, they set you up to appear to be rehearsed, leading to appeared insincerity.
You did great in your convo J, one or two freudian slips, but who among us don't ave those moments.
On last comment, take the word blame out of your vocabulary please. Blame does not matter at this point. What matters is how you progress from here. How you handle yourself and the dignity that you show going forward. I have been forced to think about this a lot lately and I believe once you reach the D stage, it becomes more about your ability to look back and not feel bad about how you handled yourself.
Stay strong, dignified, and full of grace as you have been throughout all of this. Look at it as more character building for you.
