All hope is lost/help

[Evie]

It will be 1 month tomorrow that H said he was moving out, he hasn't as yet. We haven't had any further R talks i'm not sure if he is working on the M in his own way or if he is just staying and saving?

I need to really start to LISTEN (I don't think i've listened enough in the past). I think the key here is for better communication, we've never communicated on a deep level, It's a new skill i need to learn. Before I would always assume he was been critical of me and I always took things way to personally because of feeling insecure and a need to be reassured. I will remember to REALLY thank him for what he does. I did say it sounded like they were having fun in the bath as there was a lot of laughter as they had been taking some funny photo's with the camera that contorts the face, like those funny mirrors at the fun fair.

My new plan will be to sit down with the girls and ask for more help and less attitude. The 16 yr old will be ok it's the 19 yr old that gives me grief, she feels she works hard at her temp job then she works for H a couple of nights a week and has such a hectic social life that she feels 'put out' if asked for any help, I can see my H's point. Also she is saving for her gap year, but I feel she ought to contribute a little to the housekeeping. My H would agree, but the girls are such a bone of contention atm that I feel I can't talk to him about this. What are your views?

I've been thinking about intuition and instinct. My intuition in May was telling there was OW, now i'm not so sure. But one thing I realised last night is that he is spending more time at home now and doesnt seem so restless in it. He was on the computer last night in another room to me, i was watching a film. He only came into the room to watch the telly when I had gone upto bed. It only dawned on me this morning that maybe he is copying my behaviour and he may have come into the room sooner if I had stayed in the room with him after yoga the other night? Maybe?

There isn't any more on the affection or intimacy side. I was sending signals the other morning but he wasnt budging, he phoned me later and casually remarked that he was really stiff from the excercise he had done the previous night. It felt good to hear that.

I feel I want to tell him I love him and will say it when the time is right and not expert it to be said back. We used to say it every day and we both tell the kids every day we love them. What wories me is that if he says he hasn't loved me for a few years and I think he's never loved me as much as I have him (except maybe in the beginning, when there were 2 less kids and hardly any resp)that his feelings can return and be deeper than they were before?

I don't want to iniate any R talks atm b/c I don't want to here any bad stuff, it's unproductive, negative and brings out the worst in me, I would rather work on me and this change produce positive results. I'm gaining strength every day from reading the advice i and every else receives on these boards.

Thanks for listening. Anyone experienced anything similiar?

Look forward to hearing from you.

XD