I've been D since I think 2/04? I really don't remember the year but I remember that it was final on Valentine's Day. I have DBed off and on for quite some time. I have survived the D and am very involved with my two D's who are 5 and 7 now. I have them Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, I also coach the soccer teams on Wednesday and game day Saturday.
We've had a relatively good R since the D. We've had our ups and downs but this last year has been very smooth, friendly. Since W was WAS, she is gun shy to my feelings, if I get rigid or cold, she responds by acting the same to me. We alter our schedules to to accomodate the girls and it seems to work well. Looks like her family has gotten tired of bailing her out, which I'm so glad has happened.
There has been some ripples in the happiness and we've both had a part in it. I have been stressed over a business deal and X did what she always does, she thinks that she owns the kids and does what she wants. When she doesn't see the girls for awhile, she tends to play power trips with me. She recently moved into a new home and we agreed that we would both register the kids so that I am involved with the girls' studies. We also agreed that she would keep me up to date on her search for a babysitter and let me meet her before she hires her.
Well, she registered the girls witout me and hired the sitter without mentioning anything to me. Mix in a lack of sleep and stress, there came along a big of axiety. I've only had it one time before, so it was hard for me to figure out what was going on. There was a stretch of 2 weeks were I pulled the rope of power struggle back and we both acted like itiots around the girls and even the first day of school because X never put me down in any of the girls registration cards....I flipped out.
Fast forward to the past week. I finally took stock of what happened and did what I had to so that I could work off my axienty, which worked. I called X to appologize and told her about anxiety and to discuss what she had done. X simply accepted my appology and seemed happy, she wouldn't talk about her power struggle. She simply states that she was busy or forgot, her best excuses for her mistakes. I could tell that she felt guilty and was sorry, I wish I could have heard it from her though.
What brings me back here is that as soon as we made up and spoke a bit, all of a sudden there is this activity of calls, talks, "come inside to see my new house", etc. If we meet randomly, it is fine and we speak and hang out for a while with the girls showing me around.
The weird thing is that she will not meet me on a scheduled time to discuss kid related events. I don't care if we email or phone but when I ask to meet to discuss the upbringing of the girls, she makes every excuse not to meet or gets defensive. Her thought of discussing our girls is the 10 minutes we have while exchanging the girls. Too much going on at that time and not enough time, what gives? Why is she so affraid to be with me, alone? Could it be guilt? Could it be that she feels vulnerable around me?
I do have a gf now for almost a year, very SLOW going and keeping it healthy. She has had only a handfull of contact with my girls, but they do like her and she is very sweat and sincere. I mention this because X is going to meet gf Saturday at the soccer games. First time X has met anyone I've dated, first long term gf. I'm ok with it, it doesn't bother me but I wonder if this has anything to do with how she is acting?
Whatever it might be, it has triggered something inside me for the first time. It might be the comments by new soccer parents, new teachers and the common "why don't you workout your problems with the X?." Like I never did. It has been uttered by my gf that we should get back together because we are always in touch or somehow creeping into our R. Sometimes gf sees how X gets to me, gf said once that she feels like she is sharing me with the X emmotionally.
Any thoughts?
Oh I cannot forget to hello to all the DBers that I've met on this site and on the DB events camping and at the beach.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
