She told me that at this point, the only chance of hope of saving this M and of H saving himself is for him to move out. I had told her of the recent events, the continued lying, etc... She said that based on what she's observed, she's not sure he's totally bought into the therapy thing. She said that he needs to know that if he doesn't do this work, he will lost his M. And just saying it won't do it at this point.
She said that he needs to feel really uncomfortable. He cannot continue to feel the comforts of home. He needs to feel bad enough to want back in. He needs to get to a point where he is coming to her saying, "please help me". And if I keep cushioning his fall, he'll never hit the ground. All made sense and frankly isn't news to me. But it did reinforce waht I need to do.
She said that becuase of his upbringing, he has learned to self serve and do whatever he wants. He never really felt consequences and it's up to me to place those consequences on him. Again, not news to me, just a reminder and reinforcement.
She said that if he doesn't move out, she can guarantee that it will continue to happen. He is not a bad person, jsut very lost. As for him sending me flowers and calling and texting me, she belives that when he starts to get lonely, he comes back to me and I'm always here for him. True.
She told me that she told him in his last session that if he continues this way, he WILL lose me. She told him that someone will snatch me up right away... that I'm beautiful (I wouln'd go that far), smart and young and it won't take long. She thought that resonated wtih him.
So, she said that I need to be strong and just say to him somethign along the lines of how he needs to move out so I can have some space to figure out what I want and that he needs to work on him... that he cannot move back home until/unless we both agree it is what is best.
Here's where I'm totally struggling. It's easy for me to tell him to take a hike when he's a total jerk to me. But when he's nice and sends me flowers and TMs, I feel myself getting sucked back in. I sound like a wife of an abusive H. Thank God he didn't call me tonight. It messes with my head.
I had a hard day today. I was really missing H. This sucks.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
