Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW? 5

[Heimlich]

Delia,

Don't know about the tattoed like wharf rats thing (GD can have mine, blech, needles -- can guys get Henna tattoes or is that just too wussified )

Yep, the moving out did hit harder than expected and I miss my girls at night. On the other hand, I am feeling good. This week is still a little odd, kind of feel like just laying low and recharging my batteries, but starting to get excited about the possibilities of being able to do things on my own without having to square schedules with the W, etc.

And I'm really not angry. I understand, mostly, how she got to feeling the way she does. I take my portion of the blame and leave hers for her. Feeling less guilty day by day. Still extremely frustrated because I know we could have something really great together, but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make her think.

Anyway, off to the office to get beaten up on for missing deadlines. Hey, I'm an editor, that's part of the job description, right?

BD

[limbo]

Heim

You are doing great!!! keep up the PMA, and it will no longer be a concious effort! I will just be!! (zen enough for you)!!!

And I don't think getting beaten up at work is really going touch you!! You have survived worse!

[dlt1]

you can lead a horse to water but you can't make her think.

Indeed! Perhaps the best description I have read on the subject.

[Heimlich]

Thanks DL. That's a line I use about our senior management a lot.

I will just be -- very cool, Limbo. I like that. Actually, that used to sum me up pretty well.

Mini-journal
Casey broke down a bit today. She was upset that she couldn't stay with Lauren for girl scouts. She was crying in the car. Trying to cheer her up and she said "you never play with me." That almost got me crying. I have played with her, but haven't been giving her as much attention as I should. Gave her a big hug when we got to my place. Asked her if she was upset that daddy wasn't home. She just nodded and said I miss you. Said I miss you too sweetheart and love you very much. Know you're confused and you can tell mama or daddy how you feel anytime. Hugged on her for a while then she did her homework. Instead of working, took her to swing instead and then we ran races through a huge drainage pipe under a road (she won, of course!). That really sucked.

W and I exchanged emails. Talk about getting the rest of my stuff out of hte house, Casey's bday, logistics. Nothing major.

W brought the rest of my hanging cloths from her closet today (she had packed them this morning; I had planned on getting them when I got teh girls from the bus stop). Our wedding pictures are still up on the wall in the hallway, as is her bouquet (which we had framed) in the bedroom. Curious to see how long both things last.

At any rate, when she came to get casey, she thanked me for bringing Laurent to girl scouts. Said no problem, I'm not doing you a favor, they are my kids, this is just what we have to do you don't have to thank me for doing what I shoudl be doing as a father. That might sound harsh, but she was thanking me like i was domestic help or something.

Minor chit chat while we rounded them up and out the door she went.

She called me a little while ago. Said that I needed to check Lauren's homework, that she had been doing it wrong. Agreed with her (in the past, I would have gotten snippy/angry with her for pointing this out -- don't know why, that's why we are where we are) and tried to explain my thinking. She kept cutting me off. I said, please, just hear me out here. Last year, when I started letting her focus on her homework herself, her self-confidence really took off. I wanted to give her that trust this year. If it's not working, it's not working and I'll focus on helping her with her homework until this rough spot smooths out for her, but I wanted to show her we trusted her from teh beginning. W said, "oh, ok, that makes sense. just check it from now on" replied, roger.

She apologized for being a little short with me. This is where I messed up a bit, instead of just saying thanks, no problem and showing her that I wasn't returning the snippiness (I hadn't), instead I had to EXPLAIN that i know I would have gotten snippy last year, but that I don't want to be that guy and you can tell me these things without me jumping down your throat.

Stupidly asked her if she'd go out with me in a month or two, no expectations. Got an exasperated, I don't know. Dumb, dumb, dumb. I know she doesn't know. Ill advised pressure on my part. (a little part of me did shout huzzah at an 'i don't know' versus a "no"). Regardless, my goal -- Don't do that again, until I'm relatively sure the answer will be yes.

As penance, I need to write "I will not pursue" 1000 times on a blackboard. Minor slip up, quickly apologized, wished her a good night and hung up.

Off to work out. Need to rival GD in a wifebeater. My new goal in life.

BD

[dlt1]

Don't sweat the slp ups, just don't make them twice
The pix staying up is just plain strange. I'm in the same boat. Our W pix are still on the mantle, though I know she's had an OM over at least once, and suspect more (though who knows if same one). My C says same thing, why would she keep them up. I think, and this is just on my W, that she is so self involved she doesn't want to be the one that changes things. Will give her a reason to put it on me if I were to take them. Also, would give her solace and remove her guilt if I took first action on taking them down. I leave them, why would I want them? Now I'm just curious if a year from now when D is long final if they still are there? Makes me laugh a bit. W wanted D but doesn't want to take things like that down. Wierd, wierd, wierd.

[Heimlich]

DL,

You still full steam ahead on the D? I catch your stuff in bits and pieces, but can't quite remember. I know you were pretty devastated at finding the condom wrapper (that had to absolutely suck). Something you've written made me think that you're W is open to giving it a go, but you're done. That an accurate summation?

BD

[Not Much Left]

Hey H, back from the north, how's life?

[Heimlich]

Nice to have you back from your ongoing conquest of the banking world. Currently, have my panties in a bunch regarding whether or not to initiate a short conversation with W about OM. It's bad DBing, but my gut says if she keeps talking to him then I don't have a snowball's chance in Hades.

I'll post thoughts once I have them straight in my head. Don't worry, OT, if you're still out there, don't plan to broach the subject with her before thinking it through and soliciting advice from here.

Mini-Journal

W had to go to work early, so sent to the house at 7:30 to get them ready for school. She had mentioned that the dust in the bedroom was bad. After she left, I called and asked her if she wanted me to take the canopy down (basically, a giant doily) because when she does it, she sneezes for hours after. She was wary/guarded when she answered. Quickly asked her if she wanted me to do that for her. She said no, then a genuine thanks for offering. I said have a good day and hung up. Was on time this a.m. (I have a nodding acquaintance with the clock) too. Taking initiative and being on time, two steps for me.

GD, there are some huge dudes that work out in the gym. All shaved. While it does help with showing off the physique, they all sorta look like puffed up manniquins to me -- all smooth and hairless.

BD

[savingus77]

H,

Not only is it bad DB'ing - it is a bad idea all around. Whether or not your W talks to OM, or whether or not she chooses to work on the M needs to be HER choice. You telling her what she should do or what you want her to do will only push you further from your goal. She needs to see you as a confident person in order for you to attract her back to you. Showing insecurity about OM (at the point your R is at) is showing the complete opposite.

w.r.t to the dusty bedroom - if she says something like that - make it an opportunity to show her an action. Just take the canopy down for her and dust the room for her. Don't ask her if you can do it. And then don't ask for praise from her for doing it either - she will notice and it will mean more if she comments on it on her own w/out being prodded.

[alk24]

Heim,

I tried something, and it totally worked. I'll just explain my sitch and you can see if it would work for you. I've been thinking about exposing my H's affair to the OW's parents (just by typing it out, I know it sounds stupid). Anyway, she's been this situation before and my sources tell me that her parents are very against her carrying on with married men, esp since she has a young son. Well, I really thought I was going to do it Tues, I had their number and everything, but I decided to pray about it. Wednesday night at Bible class we had a lesson on malice and I decided not to do it. Not only would it be bad DBing, but seeking revenge on OW is not my place. It's also bad for me to hope bad things happen to her (ok, i don't want her to die, but I want her to be lonely, embarrassed, sad, etc), it's only hurting me.

Maybe this applies to your sitch, maybe not. Doesn't Nomo always say wait 48 hrs? That could also apply.

Sorry to ramble.