Well decent weekend, other than physical illness that seemed to come out of no where on Sunday. We talked the way up to my parents and the way back. Both initiated by my W. she is worried, wishs she could lock up in a vacum and come out in six months to see how she feels.
Commented again on how great things were for the last 3 months and how she is worried that will change after her "final" decision is given. She asked what I worried about, I told her I worried about her and S. and me. More specifically teaching lessons to our S. that we ourselves don't seem to practice. My mom always subtly brings it up when we are there, I can only imagine how my W. feels since it gets on my nerves also.
My W. indicated again on the car ride home she is 99% sure she is done but just wanted to wait a little while longer because she doesn't want to make a mistake since this is a huge decision. Did not say much other than I thought that was prudent. Did not talk about it at all Sunday. Spent the bulk of the day taking turns watching S. and getting chores done. If I don't initiate a hug then it wouldn't come.
Debating whether or not to stop hugging her at night before bed. Sometimes she holds tight other times seems uncomfortable. Not sure except I might try to refrain from hugging but continue to offer compliments and niceties when warrented. Thinks I am being "extra" nice so she will change her mind, that bothers her, she said so. My reply would you prefer I just acted business like, she said no. I said enjoy it for what is worth. I don't challenge your decisions, so however you want it to be it will be. She said I don't know how I want it to be.
Well back to the fence! Penance is just great! Rather be on the fence than on the other side right now though.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
I wanted to mention something here. While it's great that you came back and want to work on your marriage. You will never be able to approach an understanding of how much you have hurt her. I'm not trying to be mean but to give you a strong dose of reality. She may or may not take you back. Go to counseling and do what you need to to improve yourself but in the end you have to live with the consequences if it don't go your way.
Maybe if you told her that you have grown up some and accept full responsibility and consequences that would probably mean more than being nice or counseling. As a struggling survivor myself (I hate the word victim it implies I have no power) more than any thing I would appreciate an adult attitude of "hey I [censored] up and if you don't take me back I understand... that's what I deserve" from my wife.
Hope for the best.. just realize it may or may not come.
Just my $.02
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
I concur with what lester says. You're going to have to be very, very patient. She may not say it, she may not even realize it herself, but she is waiting to see if you are genuinely committed, or if you get tired of being in limbo.
Go ahead with IC if she won't go to MC. Don't hide it from her but don't make a big deal out of it, like you're trying to show that you are "working on yourself." You might tell her that you would prefer MC, but you understand if she isn't ready for that.
Good point, I have said nearly exactly what you suggested. We have always been good to each other (one on one) relations. That is not the issue. I have already been to a counselor Indvidual, I would go again but she got upset and asked why I needed counseling again. I indicated I thought it would help for me to understand a get someone's elses suggestions. She basically said your not crazy why go.
I dropped it at the point it wasn't helping. I agree if you read some of my previous posts you will find I take full responsibility for where I am at today. I was just journaling. Probably should have noted that.
The only victim in any sitch is the Kids they have no say and no power! Period! I don't by anything else other than a lot times we forget how to act like compassionate adults to one another.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
My W. continues to seek advice from a "friend" of the male persuasion. She has pretty much emotionally checked out this relationship as of this weekend. We still live under the same roof, but I am going to start doing things seperately. She has indicated her need to do things on her own or with friends.
I respect the place she is in and will certainly not stand in her way. She is far too resentful and distant to have any impact on her right now. She pretty much has completely closed down and also believes we will continue to do things with our son even after the D. together. Whoever we date down the road will just have to understand as she put it.
I don't know what to say to this except every one on this board knows this isn't how it will work. The opportunity is there for my S. to strenghthen our bond and his bond to my side of the family. She has asked for space and then waivered. I have decided for my own sanity and for my son's adjustment to what seems to be my W's desire, I will minimize time doing things as a whole family. Instead will we do things seperately with him so he can adjust and we both can adjust.
I do not want it this way but her actions and words dictate this to be the most realistic and beneficial course of action. It is unfortunate, but I hope if nothing else, it will help her realize that we will both become part time parents. God Bless All who are in need and God bless our family.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
