Gastronomical History: According to the Jewish Calendar, the year will be 5768. According to the Chinese calendar, the year will be 4705. That means that for 1,063 years the Jews went without Chinese Food.
Those were known as the Dark Ages.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Gastronomical History: According to the Jewish Calendar, the year will be 5768. According to the Chinese calendar, the year will be 4705. That means that for 1,063 years the Jews went without Chinese Food.
Those were known as the Dark Ages.
LOL, that was funny,
Hey Ian, what's the haps my friend?
Me 45 WAW 46 Married 23yrs D22 S18 D12 W moved out 1/12/07 Divorce Final 2/06/08
Hey gang, so I haven't been very good lately about posting whats been happening. To be honest, I haven't been in the mood to post a lot about my sitch as it is certainly not going great or any kind of success story.
My W and I have met twice in the last week about our kids, including tonight. She is making an effort to work with me on developing her relationship with our daughter.
My problem is that I feel she is simply being nice in order to make all of this easier for her and for no other intent besides very selfish reasons. I don't believe her motives are good and that she is thinking at all about our daughter and how she feels in all of this.
We also had dinner together with the kids on Sunday, a way for her to deal with my D14 on her turf rather than in the W's apartment where my D14 is miserable. That went well, she behaved well and was nice as could be, again, my doubts on her sincerity where there.
I told her tonight that I get where we are at, but I cannot stand the damage that it is doing to our children.
On Sunday at my S10's soccer game she left in the middle and ran to the store. She got me a water bottle, it's the first time she's been considerate of me in quite some time. Tonight I thanked her for that and she gave me some bullshit line about how we can be cordial and considerate of each other. When she said this apparantley my face went sour, she said "nice look", my only response was "sorry". Her problem, not mine.
Anyway, life is what it is and I continue down this road I am on. Her breath smelled of banana rum, I said have you been drinking rum and she said yes.....nice..... alone in her apartment drinking...blech.........
Actually, odd sidenote, when I got to her apartment to pick her up she asked me if I just wanted to talk there. I immediately said no. I look at her place as a horrible reminder to me of some tings that she has done. Her affairs, and a sign of her leaving our home. I am not comfortable there at all.
Overall, my life is going well. My job is good, my kids are doing well for the most part, and I am happy most of the time. I feel like I am in a good place and that all of this is simply part of my journey that will be over soon enough.
Again, sorry for not posting much on my own thread, just sometimes hate talking about a losing situation.....
While I do understand why you are approaching this as the Final Answer from W, I don't agree that it has to be that way. There is a big difference between seeing our spouses move on to a happy life without us, and seeing them wallow in the depression and craziness of MLC. Everything you write tells me that the aliens still have her - and as long as that's the case, I think there is still a chance. I hope for both of your sakes that she manages to pull herself out of this nosedive.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
It seems to me that these ongoing meeting and dinners are accomplishing nothing genuine. Even you commented that she's putting on an act. Do you think your daughter doesn't notice? Do you think the kids don't smell the booze?
The meetings are only regarding our kids, so I do see them as productive as it provides me with ammunition for the guardian ad lidum.
The dinners show a good faith effort on my part to help my D14 and her mother work on their relationship. Is it a sacrifice by me to shelf my feelings, yes, but it is a sacrifice for my D14 that I will continue to make.
I believe that even if I am granted custody of my D14 she still must have a relationship with her mother and as her father it is my responsibility to nurture that relationship.
My W's behavior around D14 has been better. She is making efforts to be a better mom. Do I believe it is an act, yes, however how many times have we discussed the term fake it until you make it around here. If Carrie needs to fake it for now until it becomes real then so be it.
I should not have said losing situation, that was some of my own feelings of loss coming out in my post. I know I have grown, I know I am a better person today, and I know I am a better father because of all of this. I was just in one of those moods where I was only looking at the outcome of my marriage and not the growth of the individual. I apologize for that, it was a poor choice of words.
Rob, I hear you buddy, and I get what you are saying. However, I cannot live that way and even allow myself to think that there is still a chance with her. I have made a conscious choice to not allow myself to feel the pain anymore of her decisions and part of that is having to disconnect from hope.
I saw your early bird post today, and just thought I'd chime in.
My T said something two years ago that really seems to apply here: she doesn't believe in pure motives. We don't operate from pure motives, nor do our spouses. This seems so freeing to me. If you are operating from largely a good motive--to move D toward a better R with her mother--then don't waste too much space worrying about the rest of your motives. And don't worry about W's motives at all!
Rob, I hear you buddy, and I get what you are saying. However, I cannot live that way and even allow myself to think that there is still a chance with her. I have made a conscious choice to not allow myself to feel the pain anymore of her decisions and part of that is having to disconnect from hope.
I'm sorry that's where you're at, Ian, but I totally support your right to be there and make that decision. Nobody could keep hanging in there forever - at some point, life has to go on. Peace.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
I understand what you are feeling, what you are saying. Be gentle to yourself, like almosthopeful says. You're really doing good things on your kids' behalfs and they are lucky. Your upswing is coming. Believe that!
I never said anything about not having feelings for her. I love her. I just choose to not hang on simply because I love her. I have other people to think about in all of this and my kids deserve me to be ok with moving on.
