All hope is lost/help

[cat03]

Hey toots, I'm here, work has been crazy and I'm too tired at home to get online after kidos go to bed (and H has been home this past 2 nights)
My H works in the law enforcement section, brand new at the job and he is having difficulties thus making him a wreck and not able to work on us much, he's working on keeping himself together after all that mess last week, so, not much work on the M end. It's hard now, but that's how things are and will be for a while.

-----------------------One thing that H has said in all of this is that he works hard for the family, to be a provider and I guess I kind of took that for granted as I feel I work harder.
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Just like we sometimes expect thanks for what we do and have people feel grateful, that' show men feel about their jobs, we take it for granted but yes, we must appreciate the fact that they are working hard for our families, they need to know that.

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Cat - what reaction did you get from H when you told him you loved him? did you ever wished you hadn't?
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Before he came around, he'd say nothing, I only felt bad when I expected him to say it back, but when I did it I didn't mind much if he didn't say it back. Even when things were beginning to shape up, he didn't say it much (and now that I think of it, during our "normal"phases of being married, we didnt' say it much, how sad, we just assumed the other person did and ditn' say it aloud).

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he advise about the girls is also a valid point. Everybody is supposed to do chores in this household. It sometimes feels that I have to nag to get anything done (maybe it's the way i'm asking?)
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I can imagen how hard it is to be part of a blended family, but everyone must pull their weight at home, if your H feels he's doing much more than he should, listen to him, really hear him out and make changes accordingly. Yea, nagging is a bad habit I tried to kill when it rears its ugly head.

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I realise it was too much too soon.
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it's ok hon, I can see how you felt about that, it's good that you have decided to let that lie down for now.

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as he agreed to do
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were you thankful or showed appreciation? it's a task he agreed to take on, but how it would help if you show how much what he does help you, and do it often.

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I just felt that maybe i'm not emotionally distant enough with him which may lead him to believe that I think
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I know what you are trying to convey, but you might be setting yourself up for dissapointment if you expect him to do "x" when you do "y". Would you rather chat and sit w/him? then do so, if only for a little while. You show him you are not needy by not hounding him with questions and being on edge and you show him you are dependant by going about your everyday life without seeming to walk on egg shells when he's around. I know things are far from normal, but, just be yourself.

About the cinema, something hard to shallow for women is to comprehend that when men have troubles they must, MUST go to talk to someone else, they must decompress elsewhere. For us women, we want to be able to talk to our Hs as our best friend and be able to go to them when something bothers us. But I've read countless of times how men need an outside ear e.i friend, councelor, when they have problems.
Dont' see it as a rejection of you but rather as him going to his "cave" to think/relax.

Some lessons are harder to learn honey, stay strong))))