Hi Yawmom, I have read through your entire thread and I can feel your anxiety and hear myself 10 months ago. For details you can read back through my threads but in a nutshell I am a success story...
H and I seperated 12/06 and it shocked me...I had no idea it was coming we were not having marital problems at all...Younger OW involved...moved in with she and her two kids (never married, 2 diff daddies) He told me he wanted a D the day after he left and filed in 3/06. Before H filed he asked me to get all bills together and I did trying to keep the piece for the sake of my girls (5,1) H took the info to his L in order to draw up papers. Imho, teill H to go through the bills himself. If he wants a D let him WORK to get it.
OW talked my H into filing and I was served the end of March 06. At that point I would not speak or LOOK at H unless it had something to do with the kids. He dropped off the face of the earth...no money, no visits with the girls...nothing!
I did not show anger, hurt or resentment...I acted "as if" I was fine and moving on with my daughters. When H did come around again I made sure I always looked nice when he picked up the girls and I would not let him in the house. I would watch for him and meet him in the driveway. The way I looked at it, he left and didn't look back why should he come into MY home.
Fast forward to June...went to court on the 1st. Pre-trial meeting...got support ironed out some financial issues. Should have gone back to court the end of June and then 90 days later...D final.
I had finally REALLY accepted it was happening, I was sad but I KNEW I was going to be ok...not just faking it like I had been doing.
We were at my D5's tball game and H came up to me and BLURTED out that he thought the M could work and he wanted to try. We started counseling and still go every other week. H moved home the end of July and things are going very well. We have our arguments and I have my doubts at times if I did the right thing.
We are different now...our M is not the same as it was and to me that is a positive. H is not a good communicator and is working hard to talk to me about everything. I am trying not to be so "nit-picking" with him.
So my advice to you is to act as if he is not coming back...do things for you make you the most important. You can do that! You do not have young children to worry about. After awhile this will begin to feel natural to you.
My H was nice one day and a royal @ss the next so I decided the best thing for me was to talk only when I had to and only about the kids.
H has told me it drove him crazy that I always looked happy and he wondered about what I was doing all the time. He said he saw me going in a great direction and getting on with my life and he knew OW wasn't making him happy and he began to miss his family. H had no idea how I was going to react the day he told me he wanted to come home....H said telling me was his first step in getting his life in order...
Take it slow..do what is best for you...you are the most important...not the MLCer...your H will miss his life and family if you give him something to miss. Do not be available to him and do not talk D at all. Be cool as a cucumber...All of this worked for me and we are all different but I can tell by your posts that you just need lots of advice to wrap your head around the situation.
