I know it's a lot of material, but I hope someone gets through my last week of posting. Seems like we're taking two steps forward then four steps back.
Any recommendations on how to best address the W's hesitancy? I feel as though she is still invested in the R with OG. I get lots of positive signs and then she seems to do a complete 180. Again, I probably know the answer already. Go back to giving plenty of space and work on myself.
A good thing is that she is going to see the C on her own this week. Still haven't heard back from Retrouvaille. It's been over a week now since I completed the request online.
Outstanding overall, interesting enough one of the big hurdles in our recovery has been my W. does not have that "feeling" for me. Let me just say since I was on the other side earlier this year. You can get the feeling back, but you have to "want" it. I mean want it. If she does that, she can get it back.
Thanks GoodFight, I know that she can get the feelings back, problem is trying to convince her that this is true and that it is worth the time and effort.
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I recommend alcohol at the house as a substitute to help get that "feeling" back. Romantic stuff also! I am confident it will get better for you guys just keep it up! Glad to see some good news.
Alcohol definitely helps. Problem is she seems a bit troubled that we sometimes need external influences like this to get things moving. She wants it to happen naturally. We discussed this last night. I told her that it is going to be difficult to overcome this hurdle as we've been living like roommates for the past two months. Very little physical touch. How to go from this to spontaneous and passionate? Especially when W is so hesitant to touch.
The wedding the other night was good (partly because of alcohol). Nice slow dancing and quite a bit of kissing. I just need to get this to continue under normal circumstances.
If there is one thing you do, please,please make sure you stick to the retro weekend, it will have a big impact on your relationship! There has been a lot of waffleing in my marriage, especially by my H...he returned to the ow and said he wanted to leave. I truly believe this was because of the guilt, and feeling he didn't deserve any better then her. The retro weekend will help her to get past that, to excep and move on to something that has such promise to be wonderful! I am only a couple of days post weekend, but in my heart and sould I believe that we are going to be ok, more then I ever have in the last year!
Limbo, I had heard you were going to Retro. I happy that you had such a good experience there. It gives me hope. I'll call them today and see if I can sort this out.
Dis, Your situation reminds me of mine...a lot. My W and I have been to the depths of Hell and are I think on the back side. Everything went downhill quickly following my recent return from Iraq. What the end result will be I don't know but things are feeling pretty good right now. Here's what has worked for me; for nearly a month now.
Essentialy somewhere between the 180 and LRT was what I went with. The hardest thing for me was 'releasing her'; that is not holding her back. To come to the realization that you (she) can go and it'll hurt but I'll be ok. Then I ceased any communication with her outside of the home unless she initiated. After about a week of this she started calling and texting periodically. Since I've been able to get a couple hugs accompanied by pecks on the cheek initiated by her. For us the key was giving her space. Though things are much better now (on a 1-10 scale I'd say 6/7 up from a 2) the space is still vital. She rarely initiates touch but we've not been recovering successfully for very long.
I have hope for retrovaille but I'm not sure we'll attend until sometime early next year at the earliest. As she works through her own feelings and issues. I find that patience is a vital necessity but very difficult to exhibit.
I hope this helps; I've been reading a lot of these post here but this is the first I've ever put anything out.
Me36 W34 M13 K B10 B12 Bomb 06/07 Near WAW Me EA over W EA/PA over, contact with OM ended 08/07 W had to decide OM or Me; Still at home
Dis, Your situation reminds me of mine...a lot. My W and I have been to the depths of Hell and are I think on the back side. Everything went downhill quickly following my recent return from Iraq. What the end result will be I don't know but things are feeling pretty good right now.
Polk, Did you read my other threads? I was just curious as to the details of your situation. Why did things go downhill? Was there someone else involved? How long were you in Iraq?
BTW, thanks for the service in Iraq. Sh*ty thing to come back to. Sorry that you find yourself here.
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The hardest thing for me was 'releasing her'; that is not holding her back. To come to the realization that you (she) can go and it'll hurt but I'll be ok. Then I ceased any communication with her outside of the home unless she initiated. After about a week of this she started calling and texting periodically. Since I've been able to get a couple hugs accompanied by pecks on the cheek initiated by her. For us the key was giving her space. Though things are much better now (on a 1-10 scale I'd say 6/7 up from a 2) the space is still vital. She rarely initiates touch but we've not been recovering successfully for very long.
I took those tactics at after the initial bomb dropped. I think this is what got us to where we are now. She has committed several times to working on us, but yesterday she was back on the fence. I guess things are still better than they were a few weeks ago. She isn't saying that she wants a D anymore and she is going to IC this week. I guess I should focus on the positives and give the space she's asked for.
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I hope this helps; I've been reading a lot of these post here but this is the first I've ever put anything out.
Again, sorry you've found yourself here. Start yourself a new thread so others can get advice to you. This is a really good source of support.
Finally got through to a person at Retro. I had filled out the registration online over a week ago and hadn't heard anything. The woman told me that they've been having issues with the system. Our weekend should be Oct 12-14. She also told me that it would be okay to do the first weekend and follow up sessions in different locations. Good news.
Told the W that everything looked good for Retro. She is still onboard with the plans, also good news.
W is going to our counselor tonight for an individual session. Hoping this goes well also.
W went to see the C last night. She called afterwards and said she needed to stop at the store for some stuff. Said the session was good.
She came home and we got the kids in bed, then we watched TV for a bit. W mentioned a few things about the session. C thought that some of the things she is doing now are because she didn't get a chance when she was younger. W was the oldest and her M needed to work several jobs. W ended up being the caregiver to her three younger siblings. Anyhow, I think the session really helped.
I went to bed before her and was falling asleep when she came up. She got into bed and cuddled up to me, gave me some nice kisses and caressed my hair!! Told me that she really did love me!
