I agree with what SG said too. But men are what men are. So whatcha gonna do? There's a gap there. How do you fill it?
What you described about your H is true. It may be confusing to the woman and a hypocritical stand for the men to hold up, but its still there, at least with many men (not the ones on this board though, LOL!)
The debate is whether or not someone like Mojo should *play games* in order to find a LTR, or whether there will be men out there who would not only understand, but welcome a woman in touch with her sexuality.
I don't think Mojo having only 13 partners is anything to get worked up about, but that's me. Now if I were involved wit her and found out she had 50 past lovers, I might take pause.
I really believe a lot of HD behaviour is disguised insecurity
I agree. I also think it tends to coincide with anger and frustration and almost becomes a means of trying to exert control over the R.
I think her sensuality is genuine
I think so too..
and she'll be miserable on many different levels if her bf/new husband doesn't appreciate that part of her.
I think she'll be miserable if she does not feel totally accept and validated by her bf/H. I am not so sure how much the sex plays into this.
I say she should be who she is. Have sex or not have sex, but not according to some "rule" or "formula", but to what feels authentic to her, the guy, and the situation. Much better in the long run. IMO.
Right, just be careful of those guys who have a problem with a promiscuous woman, that's all.
I agree with what SG said too. But men are what men are. So whatcha gonna do? There's a gap there. How do you fill it?
Weeelllllll...... bwllshcit!!! Excuse... sneezed. Uhm. That's like me saying... "LD is LD, whatcha gonna do?"
You explore your sexuality, my man. And men are going to do it in different ways than women. I have thoughts and ideas on the matter, just like the guys here had for me long ago when I was working things out...
Quote:
What you described about your H is true. It may be confusing to the woman and a hypocritical stand for the men to hold up, but its still there, at least with many men (not the ones on this board though, LOL!)
I REFUSE to EVER live my life like that again. Ever. And I think this is where MoJo is kind of headed with her recent sexuality talks. She is who she is. Don't for one second hide it. Just be CLEAR on it first... for in your mis-clarity, you may send out the wrong 'vibe.'
I know you and Mojo are who you are and that neither of you should change. The highly tuned males on this board may not be the ones you run into in daily life. So you find the one in real life who has the whole package of evolved empathy, sexual confidence, differentiation, whatever, and everything will be hunky dory... if you can find such a critter.
I know you and Mojo are who you are and that neither of you should change. The highly tuned males on this board may not be the ones you run into in daily life. So you find the one in real life who has the whole package of evolved empathy, sexual confidence, differentiation, whatever, and everything will be hunky dory... if you can find such a critter.
Ah... now there is the rub.
And no, I shouldn't change at all. Unless I WANT to. And then there is no 'should' to it.
But it isn't like I'm some magical, mystical person. And it isn't like I don't have my whazzed out moments... that I don't find an expectation or two or three hiding below the surface. That I don't fck up. (Uhmm... heellllooooo)
I'm not worried about **finding** that man you just described. (Not because I think my bf is or isn't one, either). I'm being me, and staying as clear and as honest about being me as I can. That's MY objective.
I'm developing a theory that a HD/LD discrepancy has mostly to do with how comfortable the man is with his sexuality and sex in general. A sexually comfortable man with a sexually uncomfortable woman will probably be able to turn the ship around in a month, tops, if he is really sexually comfortable. On the other hand, a sexually uncomfortable man with a sexually comfortable woman will either turn LD himself (see LFL's husband) or turn her LD.
This makes a lot of sense to me. A lot. I think I've been starting to get a sense of this from my reading and pondering and confronting of my sexuality. What I used to think about sex, HD/LD, relationships, etc. has been turned upside down. Things just don't look the same to me anymore. Clearly another case of not being able to see something until you can see it.
That is exceedingly confusing to women... especially women who have had no or little sexual experience prior to being married. (What... I was supposed to 'save' myself, not act like a slut in order to attract a good man for a H... I do, and I get married... and now I'm supposed to embrace sex and act like a slut with my H now that I am no longer on the market? HUH?!!!)
Fcked me up, at least.
I'm nodding my head vigorously at this.
So very many thoughts on this thread and on the board are resonating loudly with me. Now I just need to sort it out and figure out what to do with it.
Don't you be cryptic too. My comment to Mojo was based on what I have seen in her past M, as things flip from good to bad, high to low. I never saw sex as the common denominator.
What I now see, really see, after reading the Corri/cac exchanges is that happiness and peace with oneself is a CHOICE. It is a choice. Each of us has the power within ourselves to be happy or not. And when I realized that, life seemed less scary. If I have the power, then I'm not a victim anymore. No matter what happens to me in my life, I can be happy if I DECIDE that I want to be happy and then pursue happiness. And this is true for EVERYONE.
My mother has a friend with MS who has FAR exceeded her life expectancy. She continued to walk and drive LONG after she should have been dead, based on her original prognosis. Her disease is quite advanced now, but even so, she is happy. She is happy because she chooses to be happy. She finds humor in her illness, and in herself. At the risk of sounding trite, she really is an inspiration.
If we are convinced that our lives our being negatively controlled by external factors beyond our control, we *will* always be at the mercy of someone else. And we will never be happy. And we will never have peace.
What I don't understand is why peace and happiness is so scary. Why is it preferable to stay stuck? What is so threatening about being happy? Why do we choose to be miserable?
I'm developing a theory that a HD/LD discrepancy has mostly to do with how comfortable the man is with his sexuality and sex in general. A sexually comfortable man with a sexually uncomfortable woman will probably be able to turn the ship around in a month, tops, if he is really sexually comfortable. On the other hand, a sexually uncomfortable man with a sexually comfortable woman will either turn LD himself (see LFL's husband) or turn her LD.
I'm still developing my theory. Stay tuned.
There is a lot to this, as well as the whole double standard issue.
I addressed it with my daughter when she was about twelve as it became apparent that she had a high sex drive, by first teaching her that sex was completely normal and natural, then by encouraging her to wait if she could and try to find a like minded guy (she did). I told her that once she was married, to do anything and everything, anywhere they wanted to (short of being arrested). They now have what I consider a very healthy sex life. We also openly talk about it when warranted. So we basically avoided the double standard altogether. Their experience is with each other, but very open and honest. I think their relationship has an excellent chance at longevity without serious complications.
They talk openly about basic marital issues as well.
I don't have much of an issue with sexual history in my mate (MrsNOP). My interest is exclusivity within the relationship. I think you will find that while I may be a minority, I am certainly not alone in that philosophy.
If there was no relationship, then exclusivity doesn't matter to me at all.
Just my $0.50 worth.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
