I'm right there with you, honey. If you get too much peace and security... you turn your H into a parental figure. Eeewhhh...
For me, PBTS helped me and my bf quite a bit... I think for ME, it helped me feel safe with sex. I could RELAX and learn to enjoy and explore... without any need or expectation to take it further. In all honesty, it took quite a lot of pressure off of him, too. Every so often he'll say... 'hey, let's do that again...'
You've already started down the road of radical honesty with your convo with your H this morning. Yeah... it can be stunning... but that is good, cuz it sometimes saves you from saying something stupid in the midst of your shock.
He opened up to you and was very honest. Now you know. Now he knows you know... and you didn't judge him.
Do it again. With EVERYTHING. When you begin to feel pissy, or agitated, angry, resentful... I've found... it is usually some truth of MINE I'm not letting come to the surface... because if I say it... I'll feel weak, or vulnerable, or embarrassed or afraid it might hurt him... and then that's when I think he should just **know** <-- that's my signal, right there.
So then I tell him I'm upset about something, it isn't him... and as soon as I figure it out, I'll tell him. But please, just be a bit patient with me as I work through it, and I PROMISE I will try very hard not to take it out on you.
Lots of times, truth doesn't come spilling out until you are angry or hurt... and then it spills out, sometimes, in very hurtful ways. My personal goal is to avoid that... the other way is much, much, much more thrilling and challenging to me.
