In bed this am H opened up and told me that recently he's been MBing every day. No big deal about that, but here is the interesting thing....he said that he has never done that before. I replied that I thought it was a good thing, as long as it didn't become too obsessive or self involved. I was too stunned to ask him why he never really mb'd. And I realized that it sort of fits his personality...he's this really nice guy, but he's sort of this blank slate, like he's not in touch with himself. I was so full of an agenda when we met...I knew what I wanted to study, where I wanted to live, etc., and sexually I was very primed, having recently ended an intense relationship. I see why we matched back then...and why it changed. I guess I lost that masculine energy along the line with life problems and depression, and my H no longer had a guiding light.

Anyway, I am happy he is beginning his own sexual journey, and that I am still working on mine. What's nice is that we are both actively working on this, and hopefully will stay there together.

I've been thinking about this need for comfort/security that I have, and how it stops me sexually, and I believe there's a link hee to FOO stuff. I was always an insecure kid, a worrier, and the one person I trusted and relied upon was my father. In trying to get those secirty needs met in marriage, I am, in effect, trying to turn my H into my father. I have had resentment towards H for failing in this regard, but unconsciously, I set him up to fail. I have to re-examine my own needs, take better care of myself, and separate out the role of father vs. spouse. I think if I unlock some of this my sexuality will more readily come forward.

I also realize that I need a bit of tension annd drama to keep the sex alive, that the PBTS ( Peace Between the Sheets) book was not the way for me. And that is part of the discovery, to figure out what works and what doesn't.

I'm curious about the Radical Honesty approach...this sounds like it's up my alley, as I try to get " real" with myself, and as my H tries to do the same.