I don't know your whole theory yet and I am already nodding my head.
That whole double-standard that Cobra just described, I think is actually OUT THERE... and quite prevalent... Lord knows it was shoved down my throat by the buckets when I was a young girl... but I also think it the Madonna/Whore thing... where the husband wants his woman to be a chaste woman as far as the world sees her, but a whore in the his bedroom.
That is exceedingly confusing to women... especially women who have had no or little sexual experience prior to being married. (What... I was supposed to 'save' myself, not act like a slut in order to attract a good man for a H... I do, and I get married... and now I'm supposed to embrace sex and act like a slut with my H now that I am no longer on the market? HUH?!!!)
The thing is, he doesn't really want her to be a whore even in his bedroom if he's sexually uncomfortable. He still wants her to want sex less than he. He needs to be one-up, sexually, so to speak. So the message a girl gets is "be a chaste virgin. After we marry, be sexually receptive (to me and only me) like a finely-tuned instrument, but don't ever let me feel you like sex for its own sake".
And that is I think really confusing. And asking the impossible, really. You can't be sexually receptive without being sexual. So what does the woman do? Shrug her shoulders and turn LD.
One thing Schnarch said in his book really struck me: most people will want sex if it's worth having. And I think, being an Instrument is, à la longue, not worth it for most women, at least not once the chemical infatuation wears off.
