I don't know your whole theory yet and I am already nodding my head.
That whole double-standard that Cobra just described, I think is actually OUT THERE... and quite prevalent... Lord knows it was shoved down my throat by the buckets when I was a young girl... but I also think it the Madonna/Whore thing... where the husband wants his woman to be a chaste woman as far as the world sees her, but a whore in the his bedroom.
That is exceedingly confusing to women... especially women who have had no or little sexual experience prior to being married. (What... I was supposed to 'save' myself, not act like a slut in order to attract a good man for a H... I do, and I get married... and now I'm supposed to embrace sex and act like a slut with my H now that I am no longer on the market? HUH?!!!)
What are the ground rules? Who made them? Wait nevermind, I dont want to know them. I dont like working from the ground anyways. I prefer overseeing.
Ok, here's an extreme example, and I have no idea how you will respond. I do know how I would respond...
Say the woman you meet on that first date is Princess Diana or someone else whom you consider highly "respectful," someone who you think will not take kindly or tolerate being "pawed." Would you paw her?
Now the caveat is what do you consider "respectful" and do you honor that respect, or do you ignore it, not caring whether she is turned off by your behavior or not. If you don't care, then there's nothing to discuss. But if you do care, and you would be respectful of the Princess' wishes to not be pawed, how would you react? Why?
And there is absolutely NO INTENT, FROM THE GET GO, that an R will EVER form.
No. But I certainly have had dating experiences, some that have lasted for awhile, some that have lasted very short periods, when I knew I was only going to go so far. Period. End of discussion. When that period hit. Bye bye. So... I guess that is what I was talking about.
That is exceedingly confusing to women... especially women who have had no or little sexual experience prior to being married. (What... I was supposed to 'save' myself, not act like a slut in order to attract a good man for a H... I do, and I get married... and now I'm supposed to embrace sex and act like a slut with my H now that I am no longer on the market? HUH?!!!)
Yes.
ETA:
Let me throw one other thing into this mix to better explain why this is so - male ego.
Cobra, Cobra. *shakes head* I'm trying to have a spirited debate with you and you start talking about your mother. The Freudians would have a field day with you. *grin*
Sometimes you are too cryptic. I don't usually waste my time trying to figure out what someone is trying to say. Tell me what the spirited debate is that you want to have and we can have it.
I don't know your whole theory yet and I am already nodding my head.
That whole double-standard that Cobra just described, I think is actually OUT THERE... and quite prevalent... Lord knows it was shoved down my throat by the buckets when I was a young girl... but I also think it the Madonna/Whore thing... where the husband wants his woman to be a chaste woman as far as the world sees her, but a whore in the his bedroom.
That is exceedingly confusing to women... especially women who have had no or little sexual experience prior to being married. (What... I was supposed to 'save' myself, not act like a slut in order to attract a good man for a H... I do, and I get married... and now I'm supposed to embrace sex and act like a slut with my H now that I am no longer on the market? HUH?!!!)
The thing is, he doesn't really want her to be a whore even in his bedroom if he's sexually uncomfortable. He still wants her to want sex less than he. He needs to be one-up, sexually, so to speak. So the message a girl gets is "be a chaste virgin. After we marry, be sexually receptive (to me and only me) like a finely-tuned instrument, but don't ever let me feel you like sex for its own sake".
And that is I think really confusing. And asking the impossible, really. You can't be sexually receptive without being sexual. So what does the woman do? Shrug her shoulders and turn LD.
One thing Schnarch said in his book really struck me: most people will want sex if it's worth having. And I think, being an Instrument is, à la longue, not worth it for most women, at least not once the chemical infatuation wears off.
Im curious Cobra. Am I an infidel? Let me make it easier on you. I have previously admitted to being an infidel, because my entitlement to a W who doesnt commit adultery, exceeded my reason, that I have to either zap the cow, or tend the fences. I dont like it, but I now accept that I will have to. There are lots of things I dont like that I do anyways... so. I currently have a boatload of entitlement. No I take that back. Ive had it for a long time. I call it 'being picky'.
I don't understand what you're saying. What do you mean by "my entitlement to a W who doesnt commit adultery, exceeded my reason?" Did you have an affair with a married woman, or think you had the right to?
Anyway, if you want the definition of "infidel," you'll have to ask Nop. It's his term that I was trying to understand and match up to "player."
LOL. Mojo, you slut, you take Corri, and Ill take Cobra. LOL. I do think she accused me of slumming with your sister. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
I didn't call Mojo a slut, and I don't think she is acting like one, either. In my opinion, we were talking about internal intent and what that 'vibes.' I think as soon as Mojo is clear on how she wants to proceed from here... she'll be fine. I don't think it stems from whether she is or is not a High Drive woman. I don't think it has anything to do with sex at all.
And blackfoot, yeah... I think you are slumming. Maybe with the possible exception of this JC person. Dunno.
Sometimes you are too cryptic. I don't usually waste my time trying to figure out what someone is trying to say. Tell me what the spirited debate is that you want to have and we can have it.
I wasn't being cryptic. I was teasing. Which may or may not be the same thing.
The debate is whether or not someone like Mojo should *play games* in order to find a LTR, or whether there will be men out there who would not only understand, but welcome a woman in touch with her sexuality. I still hold to the later. I really believe a lot of HD behaviour is disguised insecurity, and I really believe Mojo's isn't. I think her sensuality is genuine, and she'll be miserable on many different levels if her bf/new husband doesn't appreciate that part of her.
I say she should be who she is. Have sex or not have sex, but not according to some "rule" or "formula", but to what feels authentic to her, the guy, and the situation. Much better in the long run. IMO.
The thing is, he doesn't really want her to be a whore even in his bedroom if he's sexually uncomfortable. He still wants her to want sex less than he. He needs to be one-up, sexually, so to speak. So the message a girl gets is "be a chaste virgin. After we marry, be sexually receptive (to me and only me) like a finely-tuned instrument, but don't ever let me feel you like sex for its own sake".
I'm nodding so hard my head is ready to fall off.
Quote:
And that is I think really confusing. And asking the impossible, really. You can't be sexually receptive without being sexual. So what does the woman do? Shrug her shoulders and turn LD.
More nods.
Quote:
One thing Schnarch said in his book really struck me: most people will want sex if it's worth having. And I think, being an Instrument is, à la longue, not worth it for most women, at least not once the chemical infatuation wears off.
