I just don't see the point anymore about getting angry or upset. It only affects me and not her. I can't stop her from doing the things she is doing. It is hard when kids are involved, but I am sure she would never put DD in any harm.
Worse case scenerio is that DD may be overtired by it all, but what else do you do to minimise the conflict.
That's a big comfort (that DD will always be safe with W). Can you imagine if, on top of everything, we had to worry about the physical safety/emotional well being of our kids when they were out of our arms? We have enough to deal with, that would be just horrible.
Overtired can be managed. Not fair to DD, but can be managed.
Got home from work and gym at 6pm. W and DD had gone late night shopping, getting home around 7.30pm.
W did ask if I wanted DD to stay at home tonight, whilst W spends another night at her friends house (friend is 24, mother is out of town for 2 weeks and she has invited W to stay, W is 36, best friends, go figure). I thought this was a nice thing to do, but seeing I have to work at 1am till 9am I told her it would be okay to take DD.
DD bought me a mouse mat, and a bookmark, just because she wanted to. Unconditional love, its fantastic
Told her that I would spend the whole weekend with her, taking her to the beach on Sat, then movies Sat night, then visiting my family on Sunday.
W was more pleasant than normal (other than rushing to pack her fresh clothes to go and spend the night at friends) and the 15 minutes we spent talking was very pleasant. I know I am a naughty boy, but I wore my tight fitting t-shirt when she got home (as I was going to take a 3 hour nap before work), and my W could not stop "oggling".
I wanted to let her see the new and improved me, not only in mind but in body. I have lost a stack of weight, and have got my body in better shape than when we met when I was 21 (and playing professional Rugby). I don't want to come across as sounding vain, but stuff it, my PMA levels went up, thats the main thing.
Anyway, this is my new plan of attack, with a renewed interest and energy. No more getting baited, no more questions, no more conflict, no more querying and no more thinking about what she may be doing with OM (I have tried but some days are hard).
Also, the dating thing is def a no go, until you are ready to well and truly call it a day. Take it from me, your emotions are not into starting something new, and it will only hurt someone else. Also, if things improve with your S, whilst your new R is going strong, the emotional turmoil would be even more unbearable than what we are experiencing now.
Anyway, that was my threepence worth........... AndyV
H and I are going away tonight to celebrate our 21st wedding anniversary. We are going to the theatre this afternoon and then staying in the Cotswolds overnight. I have my closest frien coming to stay with the kids and they lover her as she is such a big kid herself!!!!!
Hope it's fun.
Post some pics of the new you on myspace so we can all oggle - not just your W!!!!! Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Andy- You are my inspiration. I have started going back to the gym to lift weights, with a goal to do what you just did: wag in front of wife just what she is walking away from (another part of my motivation is the fact that her boyfriend is short, fat, and bald.. I need to be the opposite. Currently, I am neither short nor bald...)
I like what you said about not being baited, no more conflict, etc. And no dating. You are doing great. Keep posting, and give me guideposts to follow! Thanks for the threepence.
Thanks for your kind words. It's funny how we get our second wind all of a sudden.
I found that when W and I were happily married, and when she was infactuated with me, was when I was confident and happy. She would always get angry if another female even looked at me the wrong way when we went out.
So I guess my best plan of attack, was not only to get my own affairs in order (making myself a better person for me), but I started hitting the gym really hard. Started back in Nov last year. I would always "vent" at the gym, by pushing myself and hitting the weights, which really worked.
You have an advantage over me in regards to your W's OM, saying he is short and bald. My W's OM is nearly 10 years younger and is a kick boxing instructor............but not good looking (thats what my SIL keeps telling me). I suppose he is a lot shorter than me too (but I am 6'3" and he is a little taller than my W who is 5'6")
But def try not to ever get baited again, and walk away from any conflict that is not serious enough to warrant action (unless it concerns children). The no dating is something that I have learnt can lead to trouble. Still GAL and go out with friends all you want, I have even stayed over mates homes after a big night (W does not know who I am with).
The funny thing is, she is soooo trying to avoid me, by staying with her friend, that she is making it pretty obvious that she has a hard time being with me emotionally. Early on in my sitch, she was indifferent, and would not be so reclusive. Now, with my 180 and GALing she appears to "confused" when she is around me. Out of sight out of mind.
andy, WOW!! PMA for the whole table. I think this is definately the card you should be playing. You have these little windows to show W your positive attitude and your new hot body. I am so glad you kept it pleasant with her yesterday. Good job.
Your weekend sounds like so wonderful. I know your DD is looking forward to it.
PS: I agree with you on the dating thing, by the way.
