Saffie, It is pretty sad. I had to attend to to some business dealings with her today. She looked very prety. She has not looked this good in years. It seems every time I ry to talk to her we end up fighting. She know how to push my buttons. D is final on 10/16. I will keep trying to act happy. SL
I just want to give you a hug. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Everyone tells you that time will help it all heal, and it does, but when you are in the middle of it all time just cannot go fast enough.
The best thing you can do really is work on your PMA even though you are feeling raw inside, make your W see how great you can be and that it is her loss. Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Hello everyone. Last night my wife hugged me when I came home for the first time in two months. She is having second thoughts about moving out tommorow morning. She said she can't picture herself living in an apartment after living in our home together. She is getting depressed herself. She said part of her wants to call it off and not move but another part of her wants to try it on her own. She is defiantely torn and feels she is being pulled in different directions. PLEASE HELP, what should I do or say to her? I'm afraid that once she is out she may not want to come back. If she is on the fence about moving tommorow what is the best approach to get her to jump back on the side of staying home?
This is good news. Let her make up her own mind. Don't pressure her either way. Believe me, if she does move out, it won't be as bad as you think. The WAS misses their home, family and routine. If she sees more of the OM, she will begin to see things she doesn't like. Especially if you have children to deal with. It is so much healthier for you too. You won't worry about where she is everytime she is gone. You won't have to see those panties. I know as I experienced the same thing with my H. It really hurts, but you do start to heal during this time and you become less desparate. When she does see you, you will be up beat. Cry, rant and rave after she leaves. Show her you can get along without her.
We all do understand where you are and how you feel. My bomb was dropped 1/07. He is now telling me he loves me and thinks he wants me and his old life back. DBing really does work, especially if you can begin doing it shortly after your bomb has been dropped.
If you haven't read the book, get it now and read it as quickly as you can and keep posting. There are so many wonderful people here that know exactly how you feel.
Faith
H 48 W 57 M 15 yrs T 18 yrs No children EA 1/12/06 Moved out 3/10/07 & 8/16/07 Back on 5/18/07 2nd Thread
Tell her you are ok considering what is going on. She is not ready to hear how you really feel. She needs to see you as strong. This is a very critical time for you. Don't be weak. Let her know that you have some issue to deal with and that you are getting help with them and thank her for her concern.
If you can afford it, I would also suggest using the DB telephone coaches in addition to any help you can get for your depression. They are wonderful and so helpful. It is expense, but worth it. I always feel soooooo much better after I have talked to my coach Jodi. I believe that my marriage is worth what ever money I have to spend on saving it.
Faith
H 48 W 57 M 15 yrs T 18 yrs No children EA 1/12/06 Moved out 3/10/07 & 8/16/07 Back on 5/18/07 2nd Thread
PLEASE READ MY WIFE AND MY EMAIL THREAD FROM THIS AFTERNOON:
Wife: Are you ok?
Me: I'm trying to stay positive and trying to focus on being supportive. Are you ok today?
W: I'm ok today. I know that you think I don't care about you, but I do and I'm worried. I know this is hard on both of us, but just remember that it will get easier with each day. I know that at this time it doesn't seem like it will, but it will. I want to continue on our relationship even with all of this. I haven't stopped caring, just that I've been hurt and need to work on myself too. Don't cry...
Me: I am glad you are ok. Thank you for letting me know you still care. I really appreciate you telling me. When you say you want to continue on our relationship even with all of this, do you mean as in a "couple"? I just want to make sure I am not misunderstanding anything. I realize you have been hurt and that's why I'm working on myself too, so I can be the person on the outside that I am in the inside.
Wife: I mean as friends right now. I can't make promises about what will happen down the line, that is something we will have to wait and see. We both need to work on ourselves.
DOES ANYONE SEE HOPE IN THIS? THE FRIENDS ONLY COMMENT IS KILLING ME.
Yes, I see lots of hope in it. She isn't saying hey, it is over. Your profile doesn't give any information, so we don't know how long this has been going on, but I would assume that it has not been very long. It takes patience. You are both getting help. This says a lot. All you can be is friends right now. That is good. Work on yourself. She will see the difference over time. Give it time. Come to the board lots and read other people's threads. Read the book if you have not already.
"I want to continue on the relationship even with all of this." This is really good. It is hard not to zero in on the one or two words that give us doubt. Don't read too much into those words. They are often misunderstood.
Take care. You did a great job.
Faith
H 48 W 57 M 15 yrs T 18 yrs No children EA 1/12/06 Moved out 3/10/07 & 8/16/07 Back on 5/18/07 2nd Thread
