Always, it's taken me FOREVER to find your new thread, and when I read such incredible wisdom...I can't express how it resonated within me. Bless you, honey.
Today, I received news that H is requesting a trial for the D. WHAT? I know a few people, unfortunately, here have been through this. As strong as I try to feel each day, I really broke down today. I just wanted to call in and sign the papers and have him out of my life.
I don't want to go through a trial. I am so scared of it being messy, awful...and him being so mean. I hate to say and realize how much "fear" I still have of all of this. I don't want to be on the stand...answer questions from his L. I thought I c ould get through a life without seeing that side of the courtroom. This has become so freaking trashy Jerry Springer and I am sick of it - sick of dealing with it and accepting it.
I thought, that he had calmed down a bit. He had not screamed spew to anyone I know about my responses to the D papers, and since he has a new girlfriend (someone a little more his type), I thuoght it would calm him down to at least be nice to me in a D. But, no. Still Mr. Evil.
I just want this out of my life. I really never thought I would get to this point, but I really do.
It's not personalized hurt anymore....I'm not sad that H doesn't love me or is mean to me. I have accepted that. Just fearful and frustrated that anyone would act this crazy and mean to me. And, just plain sick and tired of this. The last few months, I have stopped standing, hoping and wanted at all. ANd, with that, came a vision for the future, and hope for me....and I guess engaging in this crap is just too much now that I have rounded that bend.
The good thing, each time he does something nutty like this, it helps me to take this less personally and see that he is really whacked.
We are here for you. I hope there are others around that might have good advice to offer you. And you certainly are not whining!! You can vent all you want right here, anytime. We love you lots. Call soon.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
sweet always, i am so sorry for the Neverending Tangle of Ugly your H has heaped on you to date. every day you are a step closer to dis-entangling. you can do it. you are so strong and have learned so much about yourself. love to you ::::big hug:::::
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Always, I would hardly calll that whining. PULEEZ. Your H is being a grade A jerk right now. Not sure what he's trying to prove, but he's making his own life more difficult, as he has continued to do over the past few years.
I know you're angry and scratching your head as to how he could do this to you. Remember, he is not of sound mind. Don't waste your time dwelling on how mean he has become. He is who he is right now and clearly that train has left the station.
So, all you can do is find a way to deal with the anger. Work through it. Then yuo need to find the strength to go through this trial, if it in fact comes to that. You can and will get through it just as you have gotten through everything else that has happened. If someone asked you 5 years ago if you thought you'd survive what you've been through, you'd probably have said no. Yet here you are - better and stronger than ever.
Each chapter of this messy road presents you with another opportunity to grow. Your H continues to regress and you continue to grow.
It may not even get to that. His L may advise him against it. But just know that you CAN handle whatever is thrown your way. And one day, this mess will be over, for good.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Sweetums, I think this is a pretty standard ploy and you'll probably never get to what you are thinking of as a real trial. My H did the same...he had no intention of actually having a trial, he just wanted to move it along so his L asked for a trial date.
Maybe I'm crazy, but my L told me that even the most contentious Ds very often get settled on the courthouse steps. BBA and attorneytom can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think technically there has to be a trial, even if it only involves one party presenting the already signed settlement agreement to the judge.
So........I say, don't lose one bit of sleep about going to trial. Just keep your good self in a good state, and keep on moving forward.
Almost all divorces get settled out of court and I betchya anything he is just trying to manipulate you and scare you and he probably wants a trial even less than you do.
The guy is a nut job and so naturally he is doing nutty, stupid stuff.
I wouldn't worry about this too much and please, don't give into him. It may be a relief now but 2 years down the road you will be kicking yourself for giving in.
Do you have a good lawyer? If not, get one please. It can make the world of difference and remember, this is business.
Sorry he's being such an assclown sweetie. Oy! These guys!
I'm sorry he is going this route. I tend to agree with everyone that he probably doesn't REALLY want a trial. I mean seriously HE is the one with all the irrational behavior. Oh wait, he thinks he is perfectly rational...
Honestly, Althea is right, if you give in 2 years from now you may very well be wishing you hadn't.
In the last couple of years you have grown and become so strong and centered, don't let this rattle you. It may well not get to trial.
I hope you are enjoying the days, our weather here isn't as hot as it had been. Hopefully it will be BEAUTIFUL when you come.
Wouldn't it be simpler if at this stage of the game they would just walk away. Why do they continue to add more hurt. They are truly lost souls. I look back over the past few years and realize that mine was just a mean spirited person. I wondered why his children were so nasty, but now I understand. Apples don't fall very far from the tree.
Always, you are above this. He will have to continue to live with his demons. Stay strong and kind. God will bring you through this.
