Ugh. Suffering from a bad cold. However, loving the fall weather, the autumnal activities and feeling less weight on my chest (and heart) than I have these last 2 autumns.
H texted messaged me yesterday morning. He's busy finishing up with the sale of our home. After Thurs. it's gone. I know I will cry that day, a little bit. Just another piece breaking off of my former life. Today, an email from H, touching base with me, asking about puppy, and asking me how I am doing. I replied back in a general format. I think we're friends at this point. I think.
Meanwhile, it's autumn season and my favorite. I bought several lovely fall scented candles and I burn them in the evenings at home. They make my place smell so yummy and seasonal! I bought puppy & kitty a pumpkin; yes, they get their very own. I will carve it for them next month (I know I am ridiculous). I have a trip planned to go apple picking next weekend. I'm helping my 7 yr. old niece make her Halloween costume. My next class got canceled but I'm not letting it get me down; I'll just wait till Jan. and sign up again. It puts me off a little in finishing the certification I am obtaining but I cannot let it bother me (a lesson I learned in all of this). I'll use the extra time to read more and spend doing good things; positive things.
I didn't cause this. I am not to blame. I don't have any guilt or burden that I did something wrong to make my H spin out of control. It was beyond MY control. It happened, and it hurt, and everything changed. But I'm still here, my family loves me, and I think (correct me if I am wrong) that my H might even still love me...a little bit. He just keeps his distance because his guilt runs his heart these days. And that is not my fault, either.
Thank you, God, for helping me with all of this. And thanks to my friends here for all of their support.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Well, other than having a poopy bad cold, it sounds like you are doing really, really well. Getting the house looking and smelling "fallish" is fun. I have a great mental image of puppy and kitty with their punkins. Keep that PMA up hope, you are an inspiration.
Hi Hope, Thanks for visiting my thread and your encouraging words.
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our "bombs" took place at the same time.
Yes. That's why I thought your H might also come round. I thought I said this to you before, but I cannot find it anywhere. Anyway, I wanted to share with you what Elliecat wrote on my thread:
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Just keep hanging on in there because it seems to me he has an awful lot of contact with you for someone who doesn't want you around!!
and this is true in your sitch as well. So if you really want to, hang in there.
I am sorry you have a cold and hope you will feel better soon. HUGS
Thanks so much. Doing a little better tonight. Having a glass of wine and trying not to dwell on the fact that the house closes tomorrow.
Last night before I went to bed, H was on my mind; don't know entirely why. I sent him a text, "good night" was all I wrote. I would periodically do that, something short, just to know I was thinking of him but nothing major, over the past year. I didn't do it often, just every once in a while. He wrote me back a few minutes later, "goodnight". He hadn't ever done that before.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
For what it's worth, I just want to say how sorry I am to hear of your situation. Home should be a special place, and to lose it is painful. Acknowledge that pain, but then keep doing the things you are doing. Wine, candles, pets--small but important sources of joy in our lives. Keep doing the small things and you will be on a better path. You have shown remarkable strength and courage; those traits will serve you well as you begin a new life. Take care, and go make some joy, no matter how small, for yourself and others today.
