So tell me, what exactly is the benefit here of which you speak? As I understand, you are going to file for the D, correct? I am not sure what the benefit is there, I am missing something obviously!
The benefit (to me personally) is that I was going through life on auto-pilot, taking everything for granted and not really appreciating what I have. When she dropped the bomb, I was "given" the freedom to do whatever I wanted. This meant a lot of soul-searching, reading, counselling, etc. But after 6 months of it, I really am hitting my stride.
Maybe the most important thing I figured out is that my W's depression/negative attitude has been a huge drag on me. With her off in her own world, I have focussed 100% of my energy on me and my kids.
I am in better shape than anytime since I graduated college and am about to do my first triathlon in 20 years. I started playing my violin again (stopped when I was 15!) and my S8 is learning too. My career is still doing great and in fact I have turned down numerous offers in the time since they would all involve moving which is not really an option in the middle of all this!
I also have spent way more time alone with the kids than previously. We have been going on day trips together as well as on longer vacations.
Concerning the Big D. No I have not filed (yet). Two weekends ago, I gave her a choice: (a) work on our R or (b) work on a D. So far she has not said which way she is going, but my guess is (b). She will take a trip home to see her siblings (and to see OM) in early October. I expect to hear her decision after this trip. To be honest, I have mixed feelings on this. On the one hand, I do not believe that divorce is the solution to marital problems. On the other hand, I am having a lot more fun without her than we ever did together.
I am glad you still feel so much love for your wife. I don't feel that at all right now, only some pity/compassion that she is so lost, mixed in with a bit of revulsion over her actions. Most of the time, I don't even think about her at all.
Not sure if that answers your question, but hopefully you understand where I am coming from a bit better anyway!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
