Lester Wrote:
>>That's about to change. I'm planning on letting her go this week.<<

So what are you saying? What do you prepare to do if she refuses? I forgot if you are still living together, but does this mean separation? Have you found an apartment? Does this mean you are filing for divorce? I hope you are clear about the consequences and not making an empty threat... if you really are planning to do this....

>>I think part of the problem with DB, no offense is it's too passive. You take the abuse but you go out dancing every night. I'm starting to become skeptical of this approach.<<

I'm sure it's different for every person, but the whole thing made a lot of sense to me. The combination of detaching and being passive allowed me to go in other directions than I normally would have done (being more the "controller" or "fixer" in the family). I could fully let go of my situation without trying to control it and never regretted anything I said or did. This gave me a lot of peace during a difficult time. And even though I didn't go dancing every night (just every other night... only kidding!!!), I had a lot of fun and talked with a lot of interesting people. I used to say to one of my best friends that it was like being 16 again, but with a credit card, chocolate martinis, and no curfew! It was both the worst and best summer of my life. I wouldn't have wanted to live this way forever, but after being a "stepford wife" for a few years prebomb (trying to make someome with impossible expectations happy) it was a wonderful break and helped me see life in a different way.

Sorry LO if I'm hijacking here. I don't blame you for your anger and reactions. If my husband was still in contact with OW I would be upset too (However, I am thinking of installing some software to check on this...). Although, oddly, I'd probably be pushing him at her. I've developed a bad habit of doing that. It's something I do struggle with. I guess many of us here do carry scars we try to deal with in inexplicable ways. Whether it's anger, or staying in detachment, or some other reaction.


There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.