Do I normally just go away? Yep, guess I do eventually. I'm not into begging or pleading. And I'm not going to force the issue. So what else can I do?

There is a great big area inbetween begging and pleading and forcing the issue. It is not easy to comprehend, but that doesnt change the fact that there are many other options.
You cant force the issue, she has options to protect herself from you 'forcing' the issue. So stop worrying about forcing the issue. But you didnt say, Im worried about forcing the issue, you said, I wont force the issue.
Are you saying your boundaries are not important to you?

Do you remember my example about drinking? I dont 'force' them to stop. I dont think I can. I give them a choice. They choose.

1. Determine how important it is to you.
2. Dont go away.
3. Dont be trained. Its not respectable.(I can not be trained. I will NOT be controlled that way. I can be asked to give what they would like to receive. I very probably will. When I can.) In this case that means not going away when she ignores you.

When your W ignores you and you go away, beyond the fact that she is training you and she loses respect, it is a form of mind reading.
I detest required mind reading. It places all the onus for the effort on the mind reader. There is no effort put in by the thought sender. Its exceptionally selfish. There is NO Relationship equivalency in expecting mind reading. It assumes the OP thinks like you, feels like you, reacts like you, has as much info/knowlege/experience as you. Boy it really gets me riled up. \:\)

Here is another idea on what to do with mind reading.

Quote:
Mind reading - Even if we have a pretty good idea of what the upset person is trying to say, don’t say it for them. Use your best active listening skills to bring out the unexpressed feelings of the upset person.


For as much as they love to talk, women sure dont like to talk about what they really feel or mean. I repeatedly see them make statements to the effect that they are 'empathetic', yet when I watch them communicate, gather like chickens and cluck, (which is bi or tri weekly that I see a bunch of em IRL) all I see is commiserating and sympathizing.
More then likely she needs that on some level from her gf's. It kinda funny to observe actually.
Unless you want to be one of her gf's ---Don't do it. Not your job. Your job is to empathize, then use it so you can determine what is best for your R.
No where did I say, what she will like or enjoy.

I mean she's dead against counseling - doesn't believe in it. She wouldn't come with me last year, so I went by myself and got as much out of it as I could, which wasn't much to be honest. My dad's actually a trained counsellor and from what he's told me, I'm actually quite sceptical about the whole thing. Basically, what I'm saying is that counseling just isn't for everyone - me included.
I understand the latter part of this. If a counselor tries to dig into my FOO, Im going to cheerfully tell them with a sneer. If they try to be subtle, Im going to look at them like an anaconda looks at a capybara. x appeared to be dead against counseling also, according to her words. She certainly didnt put any effort into scheduling etc. That would have meant we remained seperated. Her choice, my choice. It was my boundary.
When she walked out the second time, she threw the fact that we hadnt gone the day before as scheduled (her bday. Touche x. ) I was untrustworthy. \:\/ Truth hurts.

I wanted to go to counseling, because I needed support processing. I was really really angry, and I know what I do when I am really angry. It practically never happens, but when it does, I disassemble the OP. Its not very pratical to do that to your SO, your other half, the person you care for. You just disassemble yourself, in the process.
The other reason, is because my frame control is overly developed. I needed third party input. Somewhere, if my w cheated on me, I went wrong.
some of the ladies here have mentioned being pysch damaged by someone who is to top. x never complained about that, (in fact I know that It was because I was placating) but she did of course complain about losing herself.
She made remark one time right before we got back together about 'Now I have the power'. which suprised me momemtarily. *blink* [hmm what has she been reading now] She always had, what she had. The only power she didnt have was what she gave away, or didnt want. I just looked at her and replied, 'Yeah. and look what you have done to the R, since you had it. Nice going.'

If you dont need marital help. Dont go. If you want M counseling to fix her, dont bother. She allready thinks (for whatever reason) you dont care about her. Why would she want to go to M counseling?

Plus I'm also not 100% sure that I want this to work out right now either, and until I am sure, I'm not going to lay down those kind of boundaries.

Well that says everything. and more.
Without boundaries, your W will not be attracted to you. Your emasculating yourself. Just so you know.

So, like I said, if it ended tomorrow I'd be sad and all that, but all the thinking I've done over the last 12 months has opened my eyes to a whole bunch of positives, too.
That voice whispering is called resentment. Its not a bad thing to hear, you need to pay more attention to your feelings, its not good to have negative emotions control you either.

so I guess I'm posting here on this forum because I want to be reassured that I've done everything I can first

At the moment you are doing what I refer to as 'doing nothing'. Thats a really BAD plan of action when it comes to dealing with females. So if you want to know if your next R will work better long term then this one, I suggest you learn how to implement boundaries, and see that there are many other options besides the two very weak options of begging, or self defensively locking OP out.

My (theoretical) boundary is that I won't live in a completely sexless marriage. What else can I do except for leave the marriage if that boundary is repeatedly crossed?

Am I genuinely missing something here?

Boundaries are not theoretical. Currently yours have been pretty non existant. Boundaries dont get repeatedly crossed, or they are by definition not a boundary. They are swiss cheese.

Lets try it like this. You dont have to state a boudary like this.... If you do FITB, I will do FITB. Thats an adversarial way to do it. You can just state your boundary.

ex.
Im talking to you. Dont ignore me.
We are going to talk about this. This is not going away.
Ignoring me is not going to work. You can leave if you want, but Im not going to stop bringing this up untill you tell me what is going on. Your W is not likely going to get real and honest with you untill you piss her off. Counselorize speak is great for remainging detached. It doesnt work so good for creating EC. There is a reason they use it, and its not so they can be emotionally involved with you.

Boundaries are practically NEVER instantly acknowledged. Unless they have previous authority and precedence. You have to fight for them. OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER again.

AC, I think you dont want to assert yourself, because you dont like how it feels. That is your choice of course. Hate to break it to you, but women do like how it feels when you assert yourself. The longer the R, the more assertiveness they want to feel.
Heck I assert myself in the first 2 minutes. Depending on how you look at it, Im getting great results.
Everytime I held to my boundaries in my M, things went great. The time I completely dropped ALL of my boundaries or didnt hold them fast, things went to crap.

And there's nothing she'll be able to do about it.
 I dont doubt that, but revenge only hurts you in the long run. At any rate she wont do anything. She isnt going to care if a man who doenst care enough about her- to fight with her- for her, isnt in her life. She'd much rather surrender in her fantasy world, to someone else.
At least thats what the D women I date, tell me repeatedly. Their actions say the same, so... I believe em.


Its still coming back to you valuing yourself. That is really where you can focus the majority of your attention and energies. Do what it takes to improve your self worth. If you D your self worth will not go up. If you find a new girl you probably will feel good (infatuation has a purpose), but your self worth will not go up. You still wont have learned to implement boundaries and assert yourself.