There and Back, #6

[SallyM]

neph, my friend is constantly reminding me to let my H walk his own walk, to stop trying to do it for him. took me a while to back off, and there is still a part of me that wants to take away any pain/make it better for him.

as for the gal stuff backfiring, well, not sure about that one. it was pointed out to me time and time again that the tears/anger/neediness I did pre-db didn't really accomplish much of what I wanted. it seemed so logical that if h saw my pain, he would respond to it in the way I would expect...he'd want to make it all better, he would hate for me to hurt, etc, etc. But it seemed to do the exact opposite. GAL, on the other hand, has helped remind him of what he is losing. it may not change anything in the end, but I just see GAL/180s as win-win, because either he does see it and comes back and we make a new life for ourselves, or he doesn't care and moves on...but I'm stronger, with a new, active life all on my own.

I have never used the db coaches. I'm very lucky, one of my best friends is a therapist, so she is pretty much at my beck and call (I've rewarded her greatly in big boxes of Sees from time to time). my own therapist is also very available. but friend is more like a coach when I need her to be, and will lay it on the line for me in a way that no-one else probably would.

the potty adventure was interesting. my poor, clueless son. he tried 2x today (we were busy outside gardening/playing for a bit). he just has no clue if/when he does anything. probably why I'm not pushing more with him. he did nothing and was so sad, he started crying tonight when he realized even if he did something he'd have to wait till tomorrow to go to target for his new hotwheel. he said he's getting right on the potty as soon as he gets up in the morning...we'll see if the interest holds. its supposed to be warm tomorrow, so thinking after school I may just let him run around outside naked and see what happens...maybe he can start making that connection. who knows.

you didn't hijack my thread, btw. I like having conversations in threads. of course your h was sad about the toys. he did it to buy your son's affection...no doubt he feels huge amounts of guilt. my h does the same thing, although has toned down a bit. your h was probably upset because he feels like its a rejection of him, to not take the toys. and he probably knows just how lame it all is, trying to buy affection (my h does). as for the rest of it, you are smart, you already know to let him walk his own walk.