Today, I received news that H is requesting a trial for the D. WHAT? I know a few people, unfortunately, here have been through this. As strong as I try to feel each day, I really broke down today. I just wanted to call in and sign the papers and have him out of my life.
I don't want to go through a trial. I am so scared of it being messy, awful...and him being so mean. I hate to say and realize how much "fear" I still have of all of this. I don't want to be on the stand...answer questions from his L. I thought I c ould get through a life without seeing that side of the courtroom. This has become so freaking trashy Jerry Springer and I am sick of it - sick of dealing with it and accepting it.
I thought, that he had calmed down a bit. He had not screamed spew to anyone I know about my responses to the D papers, and since he has a new girlfriend (someone a little more his type), I thuoght it would calm him down to at least be nice to me in a D. But, no. Still Mr. Evil.
I just want this out of my life. I really never thought I would get to this point, but I really do.
It's not personalized hurt anymore....I'm not sad that H doesn't love me or is mean to me. I have accepted that. Just fearful and frustrated that anyone would act this crazy and mean to me. And, just plain sick and tired of this. The last few months, I have stopped standing, hoping and wanted at all. ANd, with that, came a vision for the future, and hope for me....and I guess engaging in this crap is just too much now that I have rounded that bend.
The good thing, each time he does something nutty like this, it helps me to take this less personally and see that he is really whacked.
