Worked out in a gym for the first time (other htan a hotel gym) since high-school football. Little strange, but nice to have a lot of equipment. I is sore, but in a good way.
Good for you, Heim! No matter how unmotivated you feel at times, stay focused on your goals and the eventual results -- it keeps you going! Even when I don't want to go work out, I go anyway because I know how good I feel afterwards. Plus, since I've been doing it for awhile and have seen the results, that helps me stay motivated too. Something else that keeps me motivated (though maybe it shouldn't at this point) is the fact that W's BF is out of shape, and the better I communicate AND LOOK when I'm around W, the more she will likely reflect on her choice to walk away. That may not be true, but I'm pretty sure it would be hard for her not to.
Like a couple of weeks ago, when she came and picked up the kids I was wearing an A shirt (typically known as woman/wife beater shirts -- unfortunately). Since putting on 25 lbs, and most of it muscle, I know that I was looking good and she had to notice. It was the first time I'd worn anything that accentuated or showed off my physical changes since she left and it was actually really fun and gave me a lot of confidence at the time. Also, because of the type of shirt, it exposed my new (and first) tattoo on my shoulder blade (which I don't know if she knew about), and I know she saw that too. That probably threw her off a little too, since I wasn't really interested in getting one previously and she was all about it.
Just planting seeds of doubt with NO expectations at all anymore. The door is only cracked open, and I'm just enjoying my picnic with my back turned to the castle. According to my DB coach, that is when most of the WAS's actually come back, because at that point they can really sense that the LBS is moving on.
I just bask in the joy of my own splendor, as well as the knowledge that her R with OM isn't so great afterall. It will not last, and soon enough she will realize that the grass wasn't greener afterall, and she will also see that I have become a much better person because of this experience and that I actually was able to make the necessary changes for me. She will realize that she should've given me a chance, and that we could've made our M a great one. Maybe then she will realize that she needs to make changes too, and might also be able to swallow her pride and ask for us to give it another chance. It is a long shot, but I know that she will always wonder.
Sorry for the hijack -- should've posted all of this on my own thread!
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My oldest just asked when she could stay over again because she missed me, that was nice and good for the PMA. Lining up some excursions with them for the coming weekends. Should be fun.
That is great to hear -- hope you guys have some good, quality time together. That is the best thing you can do for them right now!
