Hey Pamar, I know the 'can't win' feeling all too way. H blamed me for our entire marriage, it was MY marriage, I got everything I wanted, he got nothing. I am sure you have heard it. SO hard not to respond, and list the things I have also given up and given to him.
Anyone, ditch the sexy stuff, get her nice neutral gift certificate to a spa.
Came back to say: Love the 2nd version of the poem.
OK, birthday went OK up to a point and then I spoilt it by being needy again. Upset W and then me. Kids then picked up on vibe and were awkward all day.
Presents went down fine and W is wearing nightwear, so still hanging in there, but finding it soo hard at the moment - questioning my resolve and sanity.
Negative points, W lost it big time this morning (again children acting up) and I complained that she was only thinking of her work and not mine (stupid I know). But the reaction was way over the top. I stayed completely calm and held her - again she blamed our conversation last Thursday and Sunday and the fact that she felt like she was constantly 'walking on eggshells' (and she's the one that's having an affair).
At one point she said 'I'm not a complete B**ch you know' and indicated that that was the way I thought of her. I stated that I had never called her that and that I still loved her.
Plus points: I then received a text from her later saying sorry, phoned to say hi and acted light.
So the Pamar rollercoaster is all over the place at the moment. Going to act 'as if' tonight and not raise any issues - that will be up to her.
Also had a long chat yesterday with a mutual friend (she is seperated), who questioned how long I would wait. W has talked to her, but doesn't seem to want to hear the advice, so we assume that the only person she is truly listening to is the OP.
OK, got to sort the children's dinner out now - not feeling 100%, but I will act perfectly tonight.
Your support is more than enough - thanks. 'As if' is going surprisingly well, W is tired after work and asked me to make her a cup of tea (I know, its a British thing).
She is now watching TV, whilst I am looking at a hotel for a trip away (which she might come along on) - hooray.
asked me to make her a cup of tea (I know, its a British thing).
Pamar- I can just hear that accent saying "cup of tea". Love those British accents.
Wonderful...I hope she does go with you and I'm glad she's asking you for some help, even if it's just tea. She's letting you give her some comfort that she needs.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Today is a normal day (what is that). W always leaves for work first and then I sort out the kids.
We are talking at a certain level and still share the same bed. Both W and I didn't sleep too great last night, but she is still here.
W even arranged for a babysitter for Sunday, so we will go and see a film. At least its a start.
At least the acting 'as if' are going ok, still plagued by thoughts of emails/text messages and phone calls, but as I refuse to search and check, they are only my thoughts.
W has not (to my belief) seen OP for 4 months so big plus, but its still like living on a time bomb that has no dial.
Glad to hear that you are going out. I'd love to do that, but I think it's a little to early to ask for that so soon after the confrontation.
I understand the thoughts of what might be on the phone. I stood there in the kitchen this morning staring at his phone. Not touching it, just staring at it. I told myself that it wouldn't do me any good to pick it up and look at it. What could I do about the calls already made? The anger level is higher for H the past few days, but I guess I expected that.
Have a great day Pamar.
-SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Well done on the phone and thanks for the support. W suggested this morning that we watched a family film together (all of us) tonight, with a chinese meal. So waiting for her to call and say she has finished work and I will then order it.
Have a good day yourself, keep your chin up and walk tall. Your H is questioning everything at the moment, so any reaction you get, count up to 10 before you react.
Seriously hope its a good night for you.