MLC Interruptus?

[In4Ride2]

I have been off the bb since last week - for some reason just couldn't handle it.

What is it that I want? I don't really know at this point. I've been so nervous and miserable, and now have reached the point where at least my stomach is not in knots. What I want right now is to detach, which I'm doing, because I'm not certain I can deal with another roller coaster ride.

My sit is not nearly as bad as many here, but I keep wondering if H comes back home, will I spend the rest of my life worrying is he going to run again after another few years of me thinking everything is going well.

H and I have been trading nice TM's and he is still over at the house a lot during the day. We have progressed to emails as of yesterday, so when I'm in a dbing mood I see baby steps.

I'm still waffling because it's easier to deal with the pain and move on. I rememer how difficult it was to db and I'm not sure I have it in me to do it again. I think this time he'll have to convince me if he ever decides he wants to come home.

I'm not making a decision right now, just focusing on me and some improvements that I want to make for myself. So right now dbing and not dbing involve pretty much the same activities.

I'm just glad to be in a functioning, non-crying mode right now.