Gwyn, I'm going to give you some contradictory bits of advice...

First, you're a grown woman and you can do whatever you want. You might ask yourself why you feel the need to convince people here that it's okay to leave your marriage. I'm not saying you shouldn't want to convince this group... just ask yourself why it's important to you. There may be something interesting at the bottom of that question.

Also, you don't have to be absolutely sure in order to do something. People do all sorts of things and make all sorts of momentous decisions without being sure they're doing the right thing... getting married, having a baby, joining the army, quitting a job. You don't have to wait until you're sure.

Leaving your marriage is not an irrevocable decision. Look at choc's situation. There can be many steps between moving out and the final D. You can be separated for a while or forever without getting a D. Taking a baby step is not the same as jumping off a cliff.

But on the other hand, you can also wait until you're fairly sure of the NEXT STEP. It's like you're hesitant to do anything because you're not sure you're committed to the full journey and the final destination. This applies to the willingness to go to Retrouvaille as well as the intention to divorce. Going to Retro might not save the marriage, and separating might not lead to divorce, kwim?

And on the third hand, you may also choose to do nothing at this time and just wait until you feel a clear nudge in some direction or other. One of these days you may just suddenly know what the next step should be and when that happens you won't wonder any more, you'll just do it.

This situation will move in some direction of its own accord. You can accelerate that toward D or toward reconciliation, or just wait and see. You cannot make a wrong decision. I firmly believe that. Any decision can lead to a better place-- or not. And if you wind up where you don't want to be, you can change that.

Make the space you're living in right now a little broader. Allow for more possibilities. Cut yourself some slack, okay?

Once you know what you want to do, or that you don't need to know right now, the opinions here won't matter so much to you.

ETA: I'm glad you feel you're doing the right thing, because you are, whatever you wind up doing. No one here can second guess you.