Now what? Wait it out?

[Tara_9]

There's an idea...what is it again "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..."?

[LL44]

Yes. That's the one. It has a lot of meaning, plus the psychopath chanting ( ) makes me sleepy.

Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

[delia]

Yes, chanting is good, I think.

I think that my husband was going through some pain and perplexity---as well as excitement---in the months before we broke up---and HE was chanting. Or, at least, he was going in our oldest daughter's room and listening to Hindu chants while she fell asleep. He was also knocking off bottle after bottle of Jim Beam, and hiding the empties under her mattress....as I discovered later, during spring cleaning.

I wonder if Gregorian chants would put you under? What about music from your childhood? Something like: "She's Got Bette Davis Eyes"....or "Back in Black". Make you sleep like a top...maybe?

[GrowingMe]

Hey Tara : )

I've been going thru a similar situation for the past year...Tried to send you a private message but an error message said you had reached your limit...

I haven't posted on the boards in months - I just lurk occassionally. If you would like, I would like to give you my email address - I would be happy to offer insight and support. Send me a private message if you are interested.

Take care of yourself!

[Tara_9]

Hi GrowingMe,

I've never gotten a private message, so I don't know how I could be over my limit.I also tried to leave you a private message, but it said you were over your limit as well. There must be something wrong with it. Would love to have your insight, but don't know how to get my email address to you.

Saw your post to me just now--been avoiding the house all day because I can't stand to be here. You've been going through the same thing? I'm sorry--I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. My latest is that today I fled to go to the country to avoid being home, as I mentioned. While there, my partner (who wrote me a letter the day before telling me how ecstatic she was over her 2-to-6-week affair, depending on the version, and hoped that I too would be able to find happiness, embrace life, and rediscover myself), texted me to say she needed some stuff from the house. I told her I was out of town and only returning tomorrow. She texted back asking where the dogs were. I didn't respond, but they were at my parents'. She then texted again asking "What, you're a world traveler all of a sudden?" I still haven't answered. I think she was trying to be funny, rather than sarcastic, but I don't feel much like banter. Still deciding whether to respond. Found out that she went ahead and dropped in on my parents to see the dogs--exactly what I didn't want. She hasn't had a chance to miss our life, and she had just gone a week without seeing the dogs. Now she had her dog fix, AND, she is spending tonight with her OP. Stellar. What have you been living? What is wrong with people???? Have you heard the song "Flawed Design" by Stabilo? I think it should become my partner's personal anthem...

[Tara_9]

Hi Delia,

Good ideas for the songs...just remembered another old song that brings my partner to mind...."Whatsa matta you? Hey! You gotta no respect? Whadda ya think ya do? Itsa not so bad. Itsa nice-a place...Ah, shaduppa you face!"

Little bitter, tonight. My therapist said an interesting thing today. She said "If your partner had worked on 'her', the two of you wouldn't have had to work on the 'us'". Other than some fine tuning, of course. She just meant that my partner seems to have many issues that tainted her perception of our relationship. I own my part, but I maintain that those issues could have been worked out without her cutting and running. And I can NOT believe that she could think that 2 weeks of fun with the OP--and the EA that preceded it--could in any way be construed as potential for a lasting relationship. Is she out of her mind?

An old friend I hadn't seen in a couple of years told me today that her partner of 10 years left her a couple of years ago, saying much the same thing my partner has ("it's over", "I'm done", "never"), and taking up with an OP. One year later, the partner came back, saying how stupid she'd been and she thought that the OP was "the one", but she was wrong. She wanted to come back. And my friend said no, she'd moved on. Granted, her partner had really burned bridges by writing vile, insulting e-mails, letters, etc. But it does show that sometimes they do come back--even if they say "never". And it also shows we have choices.

[Dr LOve]

Tara,

this: "She said "If your partner had worked on 'her', the two of you wouldn't have had to work on the 'us'".

says it all. They just can't see it. If My W told me she was unhappy and we worked on it together we would not be here. Any wrongdoingI have done in our relationship can be fixed / changed but She can not un sleep with the OM

Husband


Husband

[Tara_9]

As they say, you can't un-ring a bell. Like all cheaters, she wants me to hate her to relieve her guilt (she wrote that in her letter). It is vexing her to no end to know that I refuse to hate her. I despise the situation, but will not allow her to make me hate. She also says she wants me to find it in my heart to forgive her, and I have in a "she knows not what she does" kind of way. As to whether she'll be able to forgive herself remains to be seen.

[Tara_9]

As OK as I was feeling last night, everything is bad again today. I woke up with knots in my stomach, wanting to refute everything she said in her letter--from her saying that she and the OP have found true happiness after a few weeks ("once you're happy, everything falls into place" and "true happiness comes from within"--that last one is true, but she went straight from our relationship to the next without a breath between and says the OP makes her happy. How is that from within?), to her saying now that hasn't been happy for 4+ years. I was there. I know that isn't true, I saw her, heard her, felt her and I know in my soul that she is rewriting history. Should I not call her on it? If I don't give her a reality check, who will? The therapist had told her if she really wanted independence she 100% had to do it alone. No distractions with bright shiny objects. The therapist says this affair will be short lived, but they both seem so caught up in it. My partner very "generously" offered that she and the OP would not show up at the same events as me until I am "ready". I don't know many things for sure, but I do know I will not ever be able to stomach that sight. I cannot stand that it's all of a sudden "them against me", when we were always in each other's corner. Why do I have to live in the pain of reality while she and the OP get to live in a fantasy camp? My partner is spending the days not working or working very little at the place where she is officially staying, and is spending her nights at the OP's, where she is spending what little money she has on the OP and gas to get all the way there, when she owes me and everyone else money. Why does she get to live this fantasy? She says she is broke, but happy, and is now advising everyone to go for their dreams and "put it out there" (thanks to her interpretation of "The Secret": she put it out there that she wanted passion, and the OP showed up or the OP showed up and then she put it out there, whichever came first), and their happiness will come from within. When will she wake up? How will she if someone doesn't shake her awake?

[Tara_9]

Anyone? This is just a really bad day...