Cobra, My feeling is that I strive for comfort and security, but once I get it, my libido goes down. I remember even early in the marriage feeling turned on by some of the tense interactions at work, and when I came home, feeling the need to transfer that energy toward my H. Over time, it got harder and harder to feel sexually attracted to my H. When I became a mom, I pretty much shut down sexually. And as this was happening, my H would get more and more gratification from the outside world, which represented excitment to him.
Recently the two of us have been in "house" mode, really oragnizing and fixing the place up. It's ordely, peaceful and Zen like, and we're both proud of getting it together to create this feeling. But it also feels compulsive---a shared compulsion. A need to keep things orderly and safe. Not usre if this ties in in any way, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
