H has been AWOL for 1 month - no idea where he even lives. WHY IS HE AVOIDING ME?!?!?! I don;t pursue AT ALL, don't complian or chaqllenge, nothing. What if he is out of touch so long that he can't figure out how to approach me because if his damn pride ?!?!?
wantlove, I don't know your situation but I can promise you, your H knows how to get in touch with you. He's been living apart from you for a month you said; if he's in crisis it is just the beginning part of it. He's running right now; that is what they do best. I know it will be difficult to not worry about this right now, but try to focus on anything else if possible. Don't let yourself get sick; make sure you eat well and sleep when you can. This takes a huge toll on us physically. I don't have any answers to help you get him home, mostly because there aren't any. He isn't himself right now. That's as much of an answer as I can help you with. Be good to yourself right now, and your kids if you have them.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Honey - you want answers, we all do. Unfortunately, you may not be able to get them. If he is in a MLC, he doesn't have the answers, so he certainly can't give them to you.
There are a lot of great people on this board. I would be a basketcase if it weren't for them. In order for them to help you, it would be helpful if you could start one thread or topic and continue to reply to that topic until you can't anymore (it will lock). Then you start a new thread or topic. If you do this, people will be able to follow your situation and help a little better. You may also get more replies from more people. Also, the more information you give us, the better we can help you. Many of our stories are similar.
My H left a little over a month ago. One month today, he told our D's that we are getting a D. I understand what you are going through. It is very hard at the beginning to not have him here. In my situation, it was very sudden and unexpected.
My guess is that your H is avoiding you because he is confused and feeling guilty. My H can't look at me. Now my H hasn't gone AWOL, but we have two kids, so there is that tiny connection. But when he comes to get them or drop them off, he does not come in. Most communication is done via email or text messaging.
This isn't easy to hear, but you have to stop waiting for him. You need to GAL and detach from him. Read the resources on these boards. They are helpful. Also read DR - it really is more of a self help book than anything else.
My guess is that you aren't eating or sleeping well and are only going out when you have to. Try to focus on taking care of you now. Is there anyone you can confide in? Are you seeing a counselor.
What your H is doing is out of your control. You can't do anything to change him. But you can change you - so work on that...focus on that.
It does get a little easier....event though it doesn't seem like it will, it does get easier. I am no longer paralyzed everyday. I am functioning and trying to move on.
H has been AWOL for 1 month - no idea where he even lives.
If he's like my ex-h, keep not pursuing and give it time. Remember sometimes this has to do with how they grew up. If they feel like they are "getting away" with something, they don't want to leave clues.
FINALLY after the D is final and we're closing up most of the financial issues, I got ex-h to admit he's living with his girlfriend. I told him if he's really detached, then he needs to stop "protecting me" from the truth and that since I expected it anyway, it's not like it wasn't obvious. He admitted it finally and it feels better when talking to him now because it's not like he has to hide.
Yeah, why they hide like that is silly and childish. But childhood (midlife crisis) issues bring up those kinds of behaviors.
All the best,
*M:50 WAH/PA:47 *M:29+ *Bomb:10/13/06 *Sep:10/17/06(me in house) *H wants D-11/30/06 *01/08/07- Me - NG, New R *2/26/07- filing of D *5/29/07- D final *08/25/07- Me - New R ends. - is ex-h living with OW? *D:32, S:24
All the "what if's" can make you crazy. If and when he's ready he knows where you are. That he's "hiding" right now is just a sign to leave him be. The best thing you can do is to take care of yourslef and any kids you may have. It might help to talk with a C or a DB coach.
