But what hurts the WORST is the depth of emotional intimacy they shared. I treasure that with him and have longed for that to be strengthened in us for years. She stole my best friend.
Do you know exactly the depth of emotional intimacy they shared? I've felt insecure about this too, my imagination is a bit too good in this regard...but when it comes down to it, I really don't know exactly what was said, what was shared, and I never will.
I do feel, however, that it's unlikely that my H became a totally different person with her...that he was completely transparent and open and willing to give her everything he was witholding from me.
I am fortunate in that my H's OW live in another state. I don't have to worry about running into them. I have, however, seen them both and talked to one on the phone. She told me that she "found out he lies". Surprise! Like, how could he lie to the woman he was cheating on his wife with?!?! Sorry.
Anyway, back to the intimacy issue: don't torture yourself with grand ideas that their R was everything yours is not. Don't focus this entirely on H or OW (making her the scapegoat will not heal you, and she's not worth the emotional effort anyway). You do have to mourn what you've been through, and then you need to be able to let it go.
Here are some thoughts I jotted down that have helped me get through some really rough days:
-Accept reality for what it is now, gain personal independence from that...be more self-sufficient and less needy -Don't take responsibility for anyone else's thoughts or feelings: DON'T ASSUME -Act as if, but don't center your life, decisions, thoughts and actions around anyone else: GAL.
