I do want you (and others) to know that despite the fact I tend to be skeptical, I do LOVE wild, unbased philosophy. From the looks of that website, so do a lot of others.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I can't seem to stop the fecking adolescent pouting fits I get into.
I can't seem to figure out who I am or who I am not or who I want to be.
I'm wrecking my M because I can't seem to be the man that I need to be for myself and for my W so that she has a rock against which she can get her sh!t together.
All I know is I don't want to be here, but I am, and my ball keeps rolling back to this point.
How can she trust me when everytime she tests I slip?
I know ... I know ... BUCK UP BIG FELLA, BE A MAN, KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND GO GET IT!!!
Chrome
p.s. I'm seeing my C tomorrow, I think ...
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
(GGB reaches UP and grabs Chrome and gives him a hearty man hug complete with slaps on the back)
Chrome, I know all about that gravity well that seems to suck the ball back to the same place every time you think you've finally gotten it free. I too am having a ton of trouble trying to figure out who I am, who I am not, or who I want to be. It is confusing stuff for our "simple" man-minds. This part of Corri's workshop is stealing a lot of brain cycles.
Here's what has helped me this time around: Sharing with MrsGGB how I am feeling (thanks Corri), including (actually, especially) my personal disappointments. It shows her I too am human, gives her a heads up that I'm falling back into the gravity well and gives her an opportunity to lend a hand pulling me out if she wants to (or can figure out how to). By telling her the bad stuff as well as the good, you build her trust in you. Trust doesn't require you to be infallible, but rather it requires you to be honest with her regarding your feelings even (especially) when you are afraid to be.
BTW, it really sounds like you are doing fine, even though you occasionally hit some roadblocks.
So, no, the advice isn't quite buck up. It is more OPEN UP. Break down the walls even when you feel like building them.
edited to add: also, the question about whether you exercise or not is valid. I started working out 18 months ago, fell off the wagon last summer, and then picked it back up around last Christmas. I've since managed to keep up a 2-3 days per week exercise schedule. The result is I feel much better about myself, plus I look better, feel more confident, and I'm finding it easier to concentrate as well. It took a good solid 6 months of forcing myself to get out to the gym before it got to the point where I miss it if I don't go. I recommend it if you aren't already getting exercise.
Chrome, you remind me of me. We can see how to get to where we want to be at the intellectual level but lack the proper conviction and follow through to make it stick. If it is any consolation, people like us tend to be far more critical and introspective regarding our "failings" than the significant others around us tend to notice. We tend to be our own worst critics.
I don't have any great advice. I don't have any great track record either. I do know that if we try to follow what we know will work we need to believe in it. Hell, I have faked it and it helped. I can only imagine how much it would help if I believed it deep down and was able to tailor my actions accordingly.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
This morning was better. I'll admit I've been withdrawn lately, but there has been so much to do I doubt the W even knows. But today was the b-day of our son (2 years old), and he was so excited to get a big truck and some train cars for his wooden train set, and a cowboy hat, etc. etc. it put W in a good mood. I guess that is one thing I am struggling with wrt resentment. When I have a bad day, I make a conscious effort to try to not take it out on her (or anyone else for that matter). When she isn't having a great day (which can be often with 3 pre-schoolers), I get the cold shoulder or the ultra-defensive. I feel taken for granted I suppose.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Here's what has helped me this time around: Sharing with MrsGGB how I am feeling (thanks Corri), including (actually, especially) my personal disappointments. It shows her I too am human, gives her a heads up that I'm falling back into the gravity well and gives her an opportunity to lend a hand pulling me out if she wants to (or can figure out how to). By telling her the bad stuff as well as the good, you build her trust in you. Trust doesn't require you to be infallible, but rather it requires you to be honest with her regarding your feelings even (especially) when you are afraid to be.
The problem is that she doesn't want my problems, even just to hear me vent about them. She either withdraws or assumes that I am attacking her and goes into defensive mode. If I call her out on the defensiveness, she just withdraws.
And yeah, I need to get back on the exercise wagon. I've been kinda hanging onto one of the side rails and getting run over by the wheels every time I fall off.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
