Corri, you are so cute. You have such an analytic, " think out of the box" type of mind.
When I came to the board, I was VERY HD. I had rediscovered my sexuality after being repressed for so long. How it happened was sort of by accident ( although some say there are no accidents)...IOW, it wasn't intentional. It's like this flood of feeling washed over me, and I was hooked...I believe Sandi described something similar. This occurred in the context of H and I having a great deal of emotional distance. There was, for a long while, the sexual distance, but he was not engaged with me anymore and was, in fact, jerky. There was always this feeling that we both had one foot out the door, but this was different, and subsequently I learned from him that he had other body parts out the door as well.
Now that things have stabilized, I am back to my familiar LD. I'm pissed off at myself.
I appreciate it Corri, when you have the time...but I guess this means I have to get off the Chair. And no LFL, you are NOT getting the chocolate back!
This sounds a little like the Siamese Twins condition that Schnarch describes where the partners take turns swapping positions in some type of dance meant to keep distance. In your case, you were HD but your H was LD so distance was maintained. Now that your H has stepped up, you are now LD, once again maintaining the distance. What do you think could be causing this?
Oh my gosh Journey, the September schedule so far has been living Hell. We didn't get the payment for the bus for the two older ones (they go to a Catholic HS 15 miles from here), so they didn't get on the bus. Fortunately, the next door neighbor's kid also didn't get on, so at least we have a carpool going where they drive in the morning and we pick up in the afternoon. That shoots a good hour right there. There's also been at least one thing every night for the last 3 weeks that at least one of us had to be at...freshman parents orientation, senior parents orientation, open house for 4th grade, open house for 5th grade, cub scout recruitment nights, cub scout meetings, boy scout meetings, welcome mass for the freshmen (mandatory), etc. Arrgh, and we were looking forward to the kids getting back into school???? S17 is still pushing the boundaries. His latest is he feels we are being unreasonable not letting him go out on school nights, oh and making him go to church with us. From what I am gathering, this is normal rebellion. The odd thing is everytime I stand up to him regarding the limits, he seems to be in a much more civil mood the following day even though there is royal battle over the limit the night before. MrsGGB has gotten better about not undermining my limits, instead she's telling him he needs to talk to me...9 times out of 10 he never comes to me after she tells him to. I guess he's figured out that my limits are very firm.
Cobra, My feeling is that I strive for comfort and security, but once I get it, my libido goes down. I remember even early in the marriage feeling turned on by some of the tense interactions at work, and when I came home, feeling the need to transfer that energy toward my H. Over time, it got harder and harder to feel sexually attracted to my H. When I became a mom, I pretty much shut down sexually. And as this was happening, my H would get more and more gratification from the outside world, which represented excitment to him.
Recently the two of us have been in "house" mode, really oragnizing and fixing the place up. It's ordely, peaceful and Zen like, and we're both proud of getting it together to create this feeling. But it also feels compulsive---a shared compulsion. A need to keep things orderly and safe. Not usre if this ties in in any way, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
Cobra, My feeling is that I strive for comfort and security, but once I get it, my libido goes down. I remember even early in the marriage feeling turned on by some of the tense interactions at work, and when I came home, feeling the need to transfer that energy toward my H.
I like comfort, security, peacefulness too. So early in your marriage, when things were stressed at work, were you HD? When you had sex, was that your way of transferring that stress to your H in order to achieve a feeling of calmness?
Over time, it got harder and harder to feel sexually attracted to my H. When I became a mom, I pretty much shut down sexually. And as this was happening, my H would get more and more gratification from the outside world, which represented excitment to him.
So as you shut down, did he look for “excitement” to feel energized and alive, replacing the energy you once gave him, or was he looking for validation from you that your were instead giving to the kids?
Recently the two of us have been in "house" mode, really oragnizing and fixing the place up. It's ordely, peaceful and Zen like, and we're both proud of getting it together to create this feeling. But it also feels compulsive---a shared compulsion. A need to keep things orderly and safe.
It sounds like you now have that comfort and security you say you want, but it feels “forced?” Why does it feel compulsive? Are you concerned that if both of you don’t keep up the housecleaning, things will revert to chaos? But isn’t that life? So what’s wrong with feeling a shared compulsion to clean in order to avoid chaos? Or does the problem lie with the “shared” part, that know you feel a commitment to him and that is what bothers you?
