thanks ladies. and yeah, I am a gem. lol. h does suck, although I do give him credit, too, for some things, since he could suck a whole lot more. (kids/money are pretty good right now, considering). its just sad, because everyone (family/friends) tells me he is making a huge mistake, that he is going to realize someday just what he has given up. but the thing is, he seems pretty excited, not about what he is giving up, but about what he is going towards. he's pretty happy, generally speaking, about his choices. even though he throws some confusion at me from time to time, he's just got a bit of guilt. I think in the end, its just going to be me sad about what he gave up.
I'm spending way too much time thinking about him again. I was thinking about them again all day yesterday...about the first time they said I love you and such. all of it. no, I don't know the answer to that, but I do know they tell each other they love each other, so obviously there was a first time. and I think back to when H and I first said it. so weird that he has moved on so completely, it really is.
I need to get my ass back to the gym. I swear its the lack of endorphins that is getting to me. am feeling well enough that I am going as soon as I drop S5 at school. its supposed to warm up later so thinking I may take the kids to the farm and let them run around this afternoon, then H is going to try to come over again after work. think while he's here I'm going to go boot shopping.
mk, how wonderful that you got a chance to live in england for a time. I'll get there, with or without him. I will. I really can see my life as a good life without him in it. just wish I could get past wanting him in it.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
