When to move back in together?

[the girl]

Wise words, ladies...

There could be a forum entitled: "Rage and Obsession over the OP", where we could all vent and swap revenge fantasies.

I think what pierces my heart the most is the very humiliating feeling that she 'won' my H, to the point where he preferred her in every way (except nannying; she has too many self centered interests and two boutique dogs to worry about). It was a deep insult to my ego. I will admit it. I lost his attention; she gained it. I am mad, and I feel like an unattractive loser.

As women, don't we want to feel deeply attractive and worthy of loving? She stole that from me, and I hate her for it.

I also enjoyed my husband sexually more than he did/does me. I have always wanted more sex with him. I have been told 'no' more times than I could count. That all hurt deeply, but to have him go and give it to someone else is torture.

But what hurts the WORST is the depth of emotional intimacy they shared. I treasure that with him and have longed for that to be strengthened in us for years. She stole my best friend. I hate her!

It makes me so sick if I think too much about it I just want out of the marriage NOW.

Now for good news: I got the job! It is hilariously part time (5 hrs. a week), but will be a great step towards me formulating a future career. H is also very proud of me and will be watching the girls while I am gone.

We continue to have positve times. I am so scared he will never love me again.
Oh well, I guess I could pretend that he is gay and we will live our lives as buddies;(.

He has been 100% a good father. Hooray! I have been hoping for the past year that he would find more joy and purpose as a dad.

He came to watch the girls yesterday and used my computer. He happened to find this forum and read some of it. When he told me I think I turned purple with embarassment. He teased me about some of what I had written, including the nickname 'alien boy'. So now he knows the dreadful truth about me: I seem cool, but have taken up in the nerdy world of online chatrooms, knee deep in abbreviations and pop psychology advice! Ha! He actually said that the replies from you all were very interesting. O, help...I feel like a teen who has been caught with a Playboy!

I've got to admit it's getting better (Beatles song playing)...
The Girl