You want to talk about accusations. Every time she can't find her phone she thinks I took it. I'm so detached I could care less about her phone. I guess she just doesn't see me the way I do. That's about to change. I'm planning on letting her go this week. Gonna be like,
Quote:
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and while I still love you, I can’t be in a threesome marriage. If you choose to leave so be it, in fact, it may be better if you do. When we got married we entered in eyes wide open and chose each other. So just like those days I can’t force you to want to be with me. You must be willing to stay of your own accord and so I want to make it clear what you choose is up to you – I am moving on.
Now if I can find the courage to say that calmly and almost aloof I’ll be set. I’m trying to work on getting my mind wrapped around this. I have been trying to let her make her decision but now I see she just takes that as I’ll accept any abuse she dishes out. Need to change tact, I think, let her know what I will or will not accept and the choice is hers. Love her but I’m not keeping her here.
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
I think part of the problem with DB, no offense is it's too passive. You take the abuse but you go out dancing every night. I'm starting to become skeptical of this approach. Think rob's tough love approach may be better. End the cycle of disrespect.
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
I think part of the problem with DB, no offense is it's too passive.
I wouldn't disagree with you on this. I feel like I've been a too passive many times as well. I guess it all depends on what type of approach you think is best for you and your sitch..
Ok.. HUGE fight last night. I was so po'd that I left the house for a while - until about midnight. When I came back, H was sleeping on the couch. I came in and he asked what I was doing and why I was acting so crzy. I told him why I was mad at him and walked away and went to bed. It took all the strength in the world not to get into it.
It's called standing up for yourself, not taking sh*t, setting boundaries. That's attractive.
Well, I must be looking hot now in his eyes. Another disagreement last night. H wants to know what he keeps doing wrong that I've been so upset lately. Here's a 180 - I told him.. Yup.. passive/aggressive me is just putting it all out there.
H wants to know what he keeps doing wrong that I've been so upset lately. Here's a 180 - I told him.. Yup.. passive/aggressive me is just putting it all out there.
Excellent. I bet you didn't say...look dumb@ss, you contacting OW is what is making me so upset...but I hope it was along those lines. You are turning over a new leaf...keep going and hopefully things will change for the better.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Being upset only works for so long. WHen you are upset -- say why. This is fine if most of the time you are not upset.
Living in constantly pissy mood because your husband is still in contact with OW does neither you nor your husband any good -- it's not attractive.
Since he refuses to give her up. I think you might consider the "I'm moving on and I'm not investing in you speech." and then go dark. Detach, have fun, GAL and disengage from his craziness.
Otherwise you'll both wear each other out. He needs the space of your emotional absence to really take stock. He won't like it, but it'll probably help him clarify things in his mind one way or the other. Look if he's ultimately going to be with OW --you have no choice but to disengage and move on. Better to get this moving along.
