Quote: What can Jethro work on about himself to strengthen the attraction that draws her to you?
Well, that was essentially what I was trying to say with my last post. If I continue to act "as if" and DB, then I imagine I might be able to (re)create this???
KAW, in terms of your general post, I understand what you are saying, and mostly agree with you; however, there's another philosophical level at work here...at least as it pertains to me. You mention letting go of expectations. You know, I have let go of many things throughout the years and took more responsibility for my M than my W. I have done this for a long time, I have loved her deeply for a long time, and my payback was an A. Now, I understand that her A is a result of issues in our R, but mostly, it's issues with herself. How long am I supposed to have no expectations? There are obvious expectations when one marries another. I expect to be loved, I expect my W to be faithful, and I expect respect. Is this what I got?
There are two roads I can take here: 1) Embrace Buddhist beliefs and love unconditionally, and no matter what, still love. 2) Give as much as I can knowing what she "needs," but because I'm in an R with someone else, expect that I will be treated similarly.
Let's face it, we're flesh and blood. Road 1, although it sounds wonderful, is not entirely realistic. Road 2 is the more obvious and realistic one to take. You mentioned Deida. Well, I've read his stuff and although I find a lot of it interesting, frankly, I think he speaks in poetic riddles too much of the time...and I find it hard to relate to...
This is an internal battle for me. Understand that I met my W when I was 15 and things clicked the first time I talked to her. I always believed we would be M, have children, and live out the rest of our days together. Over the years I noticed the changes in her, and shame on me for not trying to "attack" this disconnect sooner. Yet, what's done is done and we're Piecing.
Although it would be difficult to NOT be with my W after so many years together, I think I've just come to the point of knowing what I want, and knowing I'm not getting it...and likely never will. Is that a way to live my life? I have so much to give and I feel taken for granted. But who knows if the next person I'd end up with would do the same??? There's no way to know.
I am having a difficult time with this, KAW. It's different than when I was just trying to get her back. I have evolved too. For now, I'm going to do what I said, continue to DB, try and make some peace with myself, and move forward with every intention of working things out. Perhaps I am projecting my expectations into everything and it's throwing her off. However, my W eventually needs to come to the party.
SB, I'm glad CJ has "come home" and is being more attentive to your needs.
This is not a rant, guys...just me thinking outloud...
Gosh, Jethro. I hope you are wrong about WAS coming back and then backing off. I don't think I could stand it if my W backed off, especially when I want more (even if I believe I cannot get it right now...).
